Category: American

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Bucketheadz – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

“I think it’s easy to dismiss Southern food as nothing but grease and grits. I happen to like both grease and grits, And if you call them lardo and polenta, no one would have a problem with it.” ~John T. Edge Author John T. Edge acknowledges that negative stereotypes are rampant about Southern food, crediting some of those perceptions to how Southern food is marketed. Instead of Southern food being presented as one of America’s great culinary traditions, all too often it’s presented as bumpkinly and backwater. Instead of focusing on its soul-warming deliciousness and comforting properties, it’s presented as fatty, fried and laden with butter. It could well be argued that Southern cooking is the Rodney Dangerfield of American…

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Cheesy Street – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno

There once was a sandwich with cheese, That quickly brought me to my knees. Toasted, roasted. Oh sweet bliss. I’d be completely remiss Not to say, I’ll take two please. ~Ode To Grilled Cheese Courtesy of Clean Eats, Fast Feets Comedian Rodney Dangerfield used to joke that “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.” Masterfully delivered in his inimitable perennial loser persona, that joke followed the thematic formula of his landmark 1980 album “No Respect.” With that joke, the pudgy bug-eyed comic unabashedly hinted at the importance of food porn in his life without actually uttering the term. Fittingly, Dangerfield,…

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Placitas Cafe – Placitas, New Mexico

Gil Garduno

While it does have a nice ring to it, “beautiful downtown Placitas” probably won’t catch on the way “beautiful downtown Burbank” did when the catch phrase (and quite often, punch-line) was made famous first on Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In then on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Located just a few miles northeast of Hollywood, beautiful downtown Burbank is 34-blocks of retail, office, residential and entertainment destinations that include more than 200 shops and 90 restaurants. Beautiful downtown Placitas, on the other hand, is pretty much limited to the Homestead Village shopping center which is surrounded on all sides by capacious open space in a charming village back-dropped by the reddish Sandias. Instead of the high-density urban sprawl of Burbank,…

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Little Red Hamburger Hut – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” – J. Wellington Wimpy Cultural shock! It’s been oft repeated that the United States and England are two nations separated by a common language. I had no idea how much the two nations are separated by more than language until 1979 when stationed at Royal Air Force Base Upper Heyford just outside of Oxford, England. Cultural differences were especially evident in dining experiences. Back then American fast food restaurants were as scarce in England as fish and chips restaurants were in the United States. McDonald’s, Burger King and Pizza Hut had just starting to make inroads in the megalopolis of London. In smaller cities, if we wanted an American hamburger, the…

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Vernon’s Open Door – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

However well-intended, the corporate world’s “open door policy” doesn’t always have the desired effect of establishing trust between employees and their managers. This became evident during my first corporate gig after leaving the Air Force. My boss, whom Jerry Seinfeld would describe as a “loud talker” spoke at a decibel level rivaling the University of New Mexico’s fabled Pit during a Lobo fast break. Compounded with the fact that our offices were housed in a pod of flimsy mobile offices affectionately called Jurassic Park and it was a recipe for disaster. Though held behind closed doors, one-on-one meetings were hardly private. Paper-thin walls and rickety doors meant everyone within a two block radius could hear my boss. Consequently employees remained…

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Yo Mama’s Grill – Socorro, New Mexico

Gil Garduno

Such was my bumpkinly naivete that my virgin ears weren’t subjected to a “yo mama” joke until shortly after my 19th birthday. The site was the Non-Commissioned Officer’s club at Royal Air Force (RAF) Upper Heyford in England. The event was an irreverent ninety-minute show featuring brazen comedian Redd Foxx whose explicit brand of humor both shocked and thrilled the American-culture-starved audience. Foxx’s repertoire included lampooning nearly every ethnic group in the audience, invective-laden raunchiness that would make a stripper blush and a unique take on virtually every social taboo of the time. It was truly the antithesis of political correctness. Still, it was the “yo mama” jokes that shocked me most. As an unabashed mama’s boy, it rankled me…

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Cafe Bien – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

My friend Hannah, a brilliant linguist who’s become rather expert in the etymology and evolution of languages, speech patterns and morphology would find it dismaying should she hear someone attribute the term “Romance language” to the seductive sweet nothings spoken by such onscreen Lotharios as Ricardo Montalban. With the mere utterance of “Corinthian leather,” Montalban could make women (and some men) swoon, but while his smooth intonations and thick, sophisticated accent may sound “romantic,” “Romance languages have nothing to do with love and romance. Romance languages (the R is always capitalized) are languages that developed out of the Latin used in the Roman Empire between the sixth and ninth centuries A.D.. By the beginning of the 21st century nearly one…

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Standard Diner – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

From the Standard Diner Facebook Page: It is with great sadness that Standard Diner will be closing its doors for good after dinner service on Monday, September 7th.  On Friday the 11th, our doors will reopen as The Range Cafe. While New Mexico is most assuredly the Land of Enchantment, most locals also accept that it’s also the “land of mañana” where things that can be put off until tomorrow usually are, where the pace of life is more relaxed and slower. George Adelo, Jr., an enterprising Pecos resident even coined (and copyrighted) a phrase to describe the New Mexican way: “Carpe Mañana”–Seize Tomorrow. The spirit of Carpe Mañana was certainly prevalent in the long-awaited, much-anticipated opening of the Standard…

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Griff’s – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

NOTE: On Wednesday, July 5, Griff’s announced that it will be closing its Albuquerque location on July 6th. According to the post, there have been too many incidents at the location making it “unsafe and undesirable” to continue operating there. Griff’s has other locations in Texas and Louisiana. The company said it hopes to return to Albuquerque someday Adults of my generation lament that what separates McDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s from the hamburger chains with which we grew up is certainly not a superior product. It doesn’t take much to figure out that the “big three” sit atop the lofty burger throne because of aggressive product innovation and clever marketing that captured the young demographic. The big burger threesome…

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Bang Bite Filling Station – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gil Garduno

“When people pile seven things onto one burger, it drives me nuts!” ~Bobby Flay Seven ingredients? That’s not a burger! It’s a hodgepodge, a medley, a potpourri! It’s everything including the kitchen sink. Perhaps other regions in America need the Iron Chef’s sage advice, but New Mexicans certainly don’t. For us, a burger with minimal ingredients is just common sense. That’s because we’ve got green chile and when you’ve got green chile, who needs anything else? In the Land of Enchantment, our green chile cheeseburger is sacrosanct, a celebrated cultural tradition and an iconic food. The very best green chile cheeseburgers are made with no more than three to five ingredients (including the green chile and cheese) and those ingredients…

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The Library – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno

Although my Kim has now lived in New Mexico for more than twenty years, her functional Spanish hasn’t improved much (sadly this places her in the company of many native New Mexicans). She sings Spanish hymns like a songbird in church, perfectly enunciating each nuanced word, even when she has to roll her “R’s.” On rare but well-deserved occasions she can direct a slew of choice Spanish expletives at moronic motorists. She can also order all her favorite dishes at Mexican and New Mexican restaurants with fluency. What she can’t do is carry on or even understand a coherent conversation in Spanish. During her first visit to the Land of Enchantment, my Kim inventoried her vocabulary of Spanish words and…