Slice & Dice – Albuquerque, New Mexico

You might remember a 2004 documentary called Supersize Me in which writer-producer Morgan Spurlock explored the consequences on his health of a diet consisting solely of McDonald’s food for one month.  Spurlock has nothing on Dan Janssen who as of 2019 had eaten almost nothing but pizza for nearly thirty years.  That’s pizza for lunch and dinner every day of the year for just about three decades.  Janssen is certainly no believer in the old adage that variety is the spice of life because the only spice with which he tops his pizza is oregano.  Nor does variety extend to the type of pizza he enjoys.  Every day he usually consumes one fourteen-inch cheese pizza for lunch and another for…

Triple B’s Bar-B-Que Burgers & Burritos – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Archaeologists in Spain claim to have unearthed the original man cave. What is most remarkable about this finding is how very similar Neanderthal man and contemporary man are. Men, it could be said, have not evolved much. Neanderthals were hairy and brutish in appearance, very much like the New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles. They spoke in guttural grunts, similar to today’s politicians. Neanderthals scrawled their art on cave walls; contemporary man expresses himself artistically on bridges, underpasses and walls. Neanderthal man used tools: hammers, clubs and axes; contemporary man uses tools: television remote controls, joy sticks and iPhones. Cultural anthropologists (and Barbara Streisand) have long posited that throughout evolutionary history, man has had an inherent need for belonging to…

California Pastrami & More – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

During a 1997 episode of Seinfeld, the “show about nothing,” George Costanza and his girlfriend du jour discussed the possibility of incorporating food into their lovemaking–not as a post-coital meal, but in flagrante delicto. George listed as potential food candidates: strawberries, chocolate sauce, honey and…pastrami on rye with mustard. Yes, that’s pastrami on rye. His girlfriend, unfortunately, failed to appreciate the erotic qualities of pastrami and thus, their relationship terminated. Ultimately George met up with a woman who echoed his sentiments when she declared pastrami to be “the most sensual of all the salted cured meats.” With that proclamation, their lustful appetites took over and they succumbed to the pastrami inspired throes of passion, albeit also incorporating television watching. It’s…

The Jealous Fork – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

In December, 1997, two-time James Beard award-winning author Deborah Madison penned a memorable article for Sunset Magazine.  Its  provocative title “Land of Enchiladas” certainly resonated with me.  Before relocating to the Santa Fe area where she now lives, Deborah would visit New Mexico quite regularly.  As with most New Mexicans returning home–whether from vacation or relocating permanently–the incomparable cuisine of our enchanted state was a priority even before she crossed into our sacred borders.  She always looked forward to that first plate of flat enchiladas smothered with red chili sauce. One bite and I knew I was in New Mexico. It tasted like home cooking, It tastes like home.  That’s a sentiment to which many of us can relate.  No…

The Shop Breakfast & Lunch – Albuquerque, New Mexico

In the 60s and early 70s, movies and television programs would have you believe all spies were hard-drinking, fast-driving, woman-chasing playboys as good with their fists as they were with a gun. They were worldly, sophisticated and charming, but could just as easily use guile and deception to get the job done. Bob Ayers, who worked in intelligence for 30 years in the U.S. Army and Defense Intelligence Agency counters those stereotypes: “All of that stuff about James Bond, that’s Hollywood. You don’t want anyone standing out in the intelligence business. You want someone nondescript. The ideal spy is 5-foot-6 and kind of dumpy.” That ideal—nondescript and dumpy—just wouldn’t work in the restaurant business…or would it? Restaurants, especially those which…

Seasons Rotisserie & Grill – Albuquerque, New Mexico

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 Despite America’s oft vascillating economic situation, new restaurants continue to sprout faster than New Mexico’s unofficial state flower (no, not the ubiquitous orange traffic cone; the almost as omnipresent tumbleweed). Rarely does a week go by without some sparkly and shiny new restaurant opening up somewhere in the Duke City. Though most start off with much promise and potential, many restaurants are destined to suffer a fate similar to the dreaded and accursed tumbleweed. The average lifespan of…

Pop Fizz – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

The geriatrically advanced among us who grew up during the golden age (1950s through the 1970s) of the “jingle” were constantly bombarded with earworm-inducing singing commercials, those catchy and memorable short tunes used to convey advertising slogans. We couldn’t help but sing along, often to the annoyance of our parents. When, for example, the Garduño family visited the big city (Taos), the kids would belt out the familiar jingle “Let’s all go to A&W. Food’s more fun at A&W. Have a mug of root beer, or maybe two or three.” Our dissonant din rarely persuaded our parents to take us to A&W. More often than not, we were ferried back to Peñasco for a home-cooked meal. Researchers suggest that women…

Greg’s BBQ – Belen, New Mexico

On our journey to together forever, my Kim and I have shared meals at thousands of restaurants.  Even when we haven’t enjoyed those meals, without exception we’ve enjoyed our times together.  We share everything…almost.  Maybe the only thing we don’t completely share is the extent, breadth and depth of my passion for food.  You probably won’t believe this, but I’m one of those “live to eat” types who’s certifiably obsessed with food–to the point of looking forward my next culinary adventure before my current meal is even done.  I self gloss as a gastronome, but foodie, gourmand or bon viveur fit, too. In describing my Kim as “insouciant” about food, my thoughts immediately wandered to souffles and sous, two food-related…

Philly Steaks – Albuquerque, New Mexico

“I love the dignity in the name Philadelphia, but at heart, we’re Philly.” ~Lisa Scottoline New York Times Best-Selling Author “There are a couple of things you should know about Philadelphia,” my friend Vladimir “Speedy” Gonzalez told me before my first visit to the City of Brotherly Love. “First, Philadelphians are not rude. We may be blunt and direct, but that’s just passion.” Passion? I always thought he was a grouch. “Second,” he added, “you’ve got to know the process for ordering a Philly cheesesteak when you visit Pat’s King of Steaks. If you don’t, you’ll be sent to the end of the line.” Sure enough, the Pat’s counterman didn’t appreciate my typical twenty questions ordering approach and sent me…

La Reforma Brewery – Albuquerque, New Mexico

When my friend Schuyler sees the name of the restaurant on this review, he’ll probably tease me that my life of dissipation, debasement and debauchery finally caught up with me.  “39-year-old juvenile delinquents like you belong in a reformatory.”   Or, being the mad scientist cerevisaphile he is, he’ll tell me it’s about time I ended my teetotaling ways.  “You’ve tried everything else.  Why not beer?”  Frankly, when my friend Ryan “Break the Chain” Scott first told me about La Reforma Taqueria, Brewery and Distillery, I had no idea what the context of the term “Reforma” meant, but doubted it had anything to do with a reformatory (which Wikipedia defines as “a youth detention center or an adult correctional facility…

VARA WINERY & DISTILLERY – Albuquerque, New Mexico

In 1620, King Philip III of Spain issued a royal decree mandating that each of the 19 recognized New Mexican Pueblos elect by popular vote, a governor, lieutenant governor and other officers as might be needed to carry on the Pueblo’s affairs. The decree required that elections take place at the close of a calendar year with installation into office occurring the first week of the new year. In commemoration of each Pueblo’s recognized sovereignty, each governor was presented a silver-headed Vara de Soberania (Cane of Sovereignty) with a cross inscribed on the sliver mount as evidence of the support of the Church.  This symbol of the governor’s commission and authority has been passed on to succeeding governors ever since.…