Maid Rite – Osceola, Iowa
Several years ago my friend and colleague Bill “Roastmaster” Resnik and I had the opportunity to do what most employees only dream of. We got to insult a corporate vice president for half an hour in the presence of even higher ranking corporate officials. The occasion was the vice president’s retirement and we got to roast him– figuratively, but from the blush on his cheeks you might have thought it was literally. It was one of the easiest from among the twenty or so roasts we’ve done because we had so much fodder with which to work. The vice president was retiring to Iowa, a move which provided a wealth of material with which we could insult him. The roast was laced with references to farm animals, outhouses, Green Acres, American Gothic and the bridges of Madison County. We even devised an Iowa “Slim Slow” diet that featured corn flakes and corn fritters for breakfast; corned beef hash, corn on the cob, corn chips, corn muffins and corn ice cream for lunch; homemade corn whiskey for an afternoon snack; and cornmeal encrusted Cornish game hens, creamed corn and candy Korn for dinner followed by a leisurely smoke on a corn…