Tag: Muffuletta

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steve Jobs, Eddie Murphy, Jessie Jackson, entire NBA rosters.  Often missing from scandal sheets outing male celebrities who have fathered love children is the name of one Dagwood Bumstead.  From all outward appearances, Bumstead is an average white collar employee and loving family man with a penchant for taking naps, luxuriating in a bubble bath and constructing and consuming tall, multi-layered, poly-ingredient sandwiches of gravity defying height topped with an olive on a toothpick.  Appearances can be deceiving.  You’re reading it here first.  Dagwood Bumstead’s illegitimate son is (brace yourself) Norville “Shaggy” Rogers, a lanky would-be hipster who always seems to have the munchies.  Shaggy is a nimble contortionist with a penchant for hiding (cowering) in impossibly small places and for consuming impossibly large (Dagwood-esque) sandwiches in a single bite.  When sandwiches aren’t available, Shaggy will often tussle with his dog Scooby-Doo for pet snacks. DNA evidence hasn’t confirmed Shaggy’s paternity, but telltale (albeit circumstantial) signs seem incontrovertible.  The most telling sign is, of course, their mutual love of food. Dagwood married a woman named  Blondie, a name she shares with one of his favorite desserts (the non-chocolate brownie).  He and Blondie even named one of their children…