Crab House at Pier 39 – San Francisco, California

Every town has them–the touristy attractions every out-of-town visitor wants to hit and locals avoid like a Lobo basketball team coached by Ritchie McKay. To visitors, these attractions represent what your town is all about and nothing you tell them will dissuade them from thinking so.  After all, your local Chamber of Commerce paints these attractions as “can’t miss” and “absolutely must see.” Generally packaged with these touristy attractions are  dining destinations that promise to deliver authentic local flavor–the cuisine de culture so to speak. In Albuquerque that generally means a meal at a New Mexican restaurant–usually one with the stereotypical accoutrements that more closely represent Old Mexico than New Mexico. Invariably, in the Duke City those package deal restaurants feature cuisine whose red chile has the piquancy of Chef Boyardee tomato sauce and its green chile, the heat equivalent of a bell pepper.  An authentic experience?  Hardly, but many out-of-town visitors wouldn’t have a clue. To most first-time visitors, a San Francisco vacation or business trip would be incomplete without a trek to the storied Pier 39 and a meal at one of its seafood restaurants.  Never mind that locals will try to talk you out of it.  Most…

Gruet Grille – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

In an inordinate number of the thousands of newspaper restaurant reviews I’ve read over the years, the savvy, sophisticated restaurant critic is typically accompanied to the week’s anointed dining destination by a nameless and faceless “dining companion.” In some cases, the sole purpose of the dining companion seems to be serving as a “foil” for the sage critic. Where the critic will order the most mellifluous sounding, multi-syllabic mélange on the menu, the bumpkinly dining companion usually orders something so uncultured it horrifies the critic. Naturally, this makes for a “balanced” review in which accolades are lavished on the critic’s astute choice of cuisine while the dining companion’s slovenly selections are treated sympathetically. When Carrie Seidman, the Albuquerque Tribune’s brilliant restaurant critic, asked me to review a restaurant with her, I didn’t quite know what to think. Despite my nom de plume of “thriller,” perhaps only my four-legged children would describe me as a thrilling guy. I wasn’t sure I was up for witty repartee with the iridescent and gifted Ms. Seidman–and worse, I feared she’d uncover me as an amateurish restaurant critic wannabe. In her refreshingly droll and wonderfully anecdotal reviews, Carrie imputes intriguing personas to her dining companions–the…

Bob Chinn’s Crab House – Wheeling, Illinois

Over 900,000 customers in 1999 couldn’t be wrong when they spent over $28M, the third largest revenue for the year among independent (non-chain) restaurants at Bob Chinn’s Crab House in land-locked Wheeling, Illinois. In 2004, Bob Chinn’s was fifth in revenue among America’s independents. Fresh seafood flown in daily to a capacious restaurant is the reason why. Turn-away throngs of patrons line up to order their favorite fish feast from a fabulous menu. Many indulge on one of the shrimp lovers choices, all of which are perfectly seasoned (or sweetened as in the case of the wonderful coconut shrimp) with a generous amount of right-sized, de-veined, peel and eat shrimp. You can have your shrimp hot and spicy or bathed in enough garlic to ward off the blood lust of even the most heinous vampire. In fact, if you’re a garlic aficionado, this is the restaurant for you. Bob Chinn’s garlic rolls are the best in America and the main reason we terminated our Adkins Diet during a visit in 2000. Those garlic rolls are dripping in butter and caked with garlic. An appetizer sided platter of New Zealand green lip mussels features the biggest mussels we’ve ever had. Naturally,…