Chillz Frozen Custard – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.” Ambrose Bierce, American writer (1842-1914) The Devil’s Dictionary (1906) Ambrose Bierce’s scathing definition of custard is not necessarily an expression of his disdain for the popular frozen dessert, but an example of his lampooning of American culture and especially its lexicon. Starting in 1881, the American satirist began writing The Devil’s Dictionary in which he published alternate and usually quite acerbic definitions of common words. His biting wit and sardonic views earned him the nicknames “cackling king of cynics” and “Bitter Bierce.” There are parts of the Midwest (the Milwaukee and St. Louis areas in particular) in which Bierce’s definition of custard would…

Terra Bistro Italiano – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

To some extent, people watch Anthony Bourdain for the same reasons they tune in to infamous shock-jock Howard Stern–to see what he’ll say next. Though Bourdain, the best-selling author, world traveler, renown chef and “poet of the common man” is hardly the potty-mouthed bane of the Federal Communications Commission that Stern is, his incisive comments are oft peppered with pejoratives and references to genitalia. They’re also laden with insightful, well-reasoned, highly intelligent and well articulated thoughts uncommon in the world of food television currently dominated by pretty faces with Ultra Brite smiles. In the 2010 season premier of his No Reservations show, the first words Bourdain uttered were “the optimist lives on a peninsula of infinite possibilities; the pessimist is…

Cafe Chloe – San Diego, California (CLOSED)

From your seat on the sidewalk patio of Café Chloe, you can see Petco Park, the open-air home of the San Diego Padres. You’ll have a front row view of a veritable cavalcade of motorized and foot-powered conveyances—from swanky Maseratis to sleek inline skates. Passers-by on foot include some of the city’s most downtrodden as well as its captains of industry. As you take in your surroundings in the cozy, urban neighborhood café and wine bar in San Diego’s chic East Village, you might occasionally be transported, perhaps more than fleetingly, to a quaint Parisian cafe of your past or your dreams. More than any other French bistro we’ve visited, Café Chloe takes us back to leisurely spring days in…

Ancient Spirits Bar & Grille – Bernalillo, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Ancient spirits dwell in New Mexico, since before the existence of humanity.” – The Husband: A Novel by Dean Koontz FROM THE ANCIENT SPIRITS BLOG ON JULY 17:  Due to unforeseen circumstances Ancient Spirits Bar and Grille has had to close its doors. We have lost one of our owner/investors and are searching for someone to take his place. We are hoping that this is only a temporary setback and that we will be able to open back up very soon. Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your support. The presence of ancient spirits is ubiquitous throughout New Mexico.  It’s a presence as palpable as a soft caress or a small, still voice.  You can feel that presence…

The Smokehouse Barbecue Restaurant (CLOSED)

The very best restaurants–those we’re proud to call our favorites–aren’t always the swankiest and most elegant venues.  They’re not even usually the restaurants you visit on special occasions.  They’re our favorites because for the duration of our meal, all our cares dissipate and our faith that everything will be okay is restored as we’re fed comforting, delicious food by servers we know and trust.  The Smokehouse has been such a refuge to hundreds of Rio Rancho area residents for nearly two and a half decades.  The Smokehouse’s last full day of operation was Saturday, June 22nd, 2013.  Then on Sunday night, June 23rd at 6PM, owner Gary West invited guests to a farewell soiree where he  exhausted his remaining food…

Rafiki Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Let us break bread and celebrate our diversity.” ~Desmond Tutu Peruvian cuisine…been there, done that!  Moroccan meals…that’s so yesterday.  Persian food…it’s had its day.  Pan Asian dining…erstwhile eating.  Never mind Italian regional cuisine and Spanish tapas.  Once fresh and nouveau, they’re now practically prehistoric.  Who would have thought ten years ago that the Duke City would become so cosmopolitan, so open to multicultural culinary elements from all over the world?  Who would have guessed that cuisine once considered exotic and alien would become just another welcome part of the culinary climate? In contemporary times fashioned by an interconnected world, a community of intrepid diners in Albuquerque has become very receptive and accepting of new foods. We embrace diversity, craving adventurous…

Lumpy’s Burgers – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Of all the adjectives that can be used to describe something or someone, lumpy is certainly not one of the most complimentary.  Think of all the Archie Bunker-like tantrums thrown during holiday meals when lumpy mashed potatoes are served or the breakfast battles that ensue when the oatmeal is lumpy. In fits of pique, seven-time Academy Award nominated actor Richard Burton often called his voluptuous wife Elizabeth Taylor “lumpy,” perhaps one of the reasons Hollywood’s most volatile couple was twice divorced and their relationship generally tumultuous. Perhaps worse than describing something as “lumpy” is giving someone that nickname. Consider the Saturday Night Live skit which poked fun at former University of New Mexico golfer and current PGA tour pro Tim…

El Chicken 100% Carbon – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

My environmentally conscious friend Bruce “Sr. Plata” Silver doesn’t have a large carbon footprint.  No environmental activist would ever condemn him for fouling the air and water with a large amount of greenhouse gas emissions. Instead, Sr. Plata leaves large “carbon fingerprints,” the finger-licking kind you get from frequenting restaurants which specialize in pollo al carbon, chicken prepared over charcoal.  Pollo al carbon has spoiled Sr. Plata.  He craves those juicy, golden-skinned birds speckled with black char, chicken so meaty and delicious it makes store-bought rotisserie chickens look positively anorexic in comparison.  Who can blame Sr. Plata?   Pollo al carbon is absolutely addictive.  It’s truly finger-licking good, much better (by legions) than you’ll find at the Colonel’s place. Fortunately the…

Pho Hoa – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Though it ended in 1975, the Vietnam war was still very fresh in the minds of Americans when I enlisted in the Air Force two years later.  Many of my senior colleagues had served in Vietnam and regaled me with tales of their adventures.  It wasn’t man’s inhumanity to man they took away from the experience, but the goodness of people brought together by exigent circumstances.  It is very telling of the high character of my colleagues that despite the ravages of war, they had fallen in love with Vietnam: its people, culture and its food.  Several of my friends sponsored Vietnamese families fleeing the beleaguered nation. One of my friends told me the beauty of Vietnam was best seen…

Caruso’s Italian Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

The 1924 publication of Edgar Rice Burrough’s fantasy novel The Land That Time Forgot regaled readers with the notion of what might happen when contemporary humans stumble upon a lost world in which evolution has progressed much more slowly. Step into Caruso’s Italian Restaurant on Menaul and you just might be entering Albuquerque’s version of the Italian restaurant that time forgot. Ask friends or family to name ten or even fifteen Italian restaurants in Albuquerque and it’s likely Caruso’s won’t be on that list. Remind them Caruso’s isn’t on their list and their likely response will be “oh yeah, I forgot about Caruso’s.” At more than four decades of age, the venerable Caruso’s doesn’t have the pristine veneer or the…

Taste of Peru – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Early in 2013, the National Restaurant Association took the pulse of more than 1,800 professional chefs and nearly 200 professional bartenders with its annual “What’s Hot” culinary survey designed to predict restaurant menu trends for the coming year. Considered the definitive forecast of culinary inclinations, the survey’s “Ethnic Cuisines and Flavors” category was topped by Peruvian cuisine which is not only hot, it’s cool. It’s hip, swanky and trendy. It’s so “happening” that even New Mexico, which is sometimes years behind culinary trends, has embraced it. Since 2011, three Peruvian restaurants have launched in the Duke City. Peruvian cuisine is so diverse–recognized by the Guinness Book of Records as the nation with the most local plates, some 491 officially registered…