La Hacienda Express – Bernalillo, New Mexico (CLOSED)

You know you’re in New Mexico when you can order breakfast burritos under the golden arches or green chile cheeseburgers at Wendy’s. In doing so, however, you just might be sacrificing tastiness for the sake of expeditiousness. An excellent alternative to chain-induced heartburn and burger boredom is a stop at La Hacienda Express, a favorite of locals in the know. While it may not have as many restaurants as the ubiquitous chains, you can still find one in the Nob Hill area (4400 Central, S.E.), one in the far northeast heights (11200 Montgomery, N.E.) and one at Albuquerque’s Sunport where you can get your last (or first) fix of New Mexican food before flying out (or after landing). There’s a fourth Hacienda Express in Bernalillo. All but the Sunport versions of Hacienda Express are housed in A-frame buildings whose signage announces “breakfast burritos served all day” starting at 6:30 in the morning. If you can find a table, you can eat in or you can drive up and order from an impressive array of New Mexican favorites, including a breakfast burrito that’s worth getting up for in the wee hours. These aren’t the banal burritos you’ll choke down under the…

The Hole Thing Donut Shop – Red River, New Mexico (CLOSED)

A less optimistic man than I once lamented that the healthiest part of the donut is the hole, but you’ve got to eat the entire donut to get to it. To me, that’s a “glass is half empty” perspective on one of the most popular breakfast and dessert items in the world. With almost thirty percent of American adults indicating they are trying to control their diets, donuts have also been lambasted and their consumption decreased with the increase of cholesterol conscious consumers. Adkins himself might have given up his cholesterol denouncing diet had he found The Hole Thing Donut Shop in Red River, New Mexico, easily the best donut restaurant we’ve visited in the Land of Enchantment. How good is this hole in the wall restaurant? During an unseasonably rainy summer in 2004, a bear broke into the restaurant and consumed an entire pan of cinnamon rolls. Who can blame him? The cinnamon rolls are wonderful warm or cold. They’re not too sweet and have only minimal icing. They’re also enormous–the size of a thick Frisbee–and are usually eaten from the outside in, in strips. Also gigantic are the apple and peach fritters which are the best we’ve had…

JB’s Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

The first thing that comes to mind when someone invites me to a buffet is a paragraph from E. B. White’s 1952 classic Charlotte Web.  In that paragraph, an old sheep describes the county fair to Templeton the lovingly irascible rat: “A fair is a rat’s paradise. Everybody spills food at a fair. A rat can creep out late at night and have a feast. In the horse barn you will find oats that the trotters and pacers have spilled. In the trampled grass of the infield you will find old discarded lunch boxes containing the foul remains of peanut butter sandwiches, hard-boiled eggs, cracker crumbs, bits of doughnuts, and particles of cheese. In the hard-packed dirt of the midway, after the glaring lights are out and the people have gone home to bed, you will find a veritable treasure of popcorn fragments, frozen custard dribblings, candied apples abandoned by tired children, sugar fluff crystals, salted almonds, popsicles, partially gnawed ice cream cones, and the wooden sticks of lollypops. Everywhere is loot for a rat–in tents, in booths, in hay lofts–why, a fair has enough disgusting leftover food to satisfy a whole army of rats.” I don’t know of any…

Perennials Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

What most people seem to know about Perennials Restaurant is that it’s owned by the parents of Albuquerque’s own Neil Patrick Harris, a 1991 graduate of La Cueva High School, who at age sixteen, landed the lead role in Doogie Howser, M.D. The television series about a teen prodigy doctor propelled him into teen heartthrob status. After two visits to Perennials, I’m somewhat surprised that this bright, east-facing restaurant isn’t even better known for the terrific quality of its food. It seems to be especially popular for breakfast among the geriatric set, a demographic my stand-up comedian friend swears have two criteria for selecting a restaurant: tasteless or cheap. He also observes that among the “blue-hairs” as he calls them, women dining with their friends will figure out each person’s share to the penny while elderly gentlemen breaking bread with their friends practically come to blows over who will pay the bill of fare. I didn’t notice any bill settlement issues at Perennials and contrary to my friend’s theory regarding restaurants heavily patronized by retirees, the food is definitely not tasteless or cheap. Reasonably priced food of high quality and generous portions would be more like it. It’s easy to…

Plaza Cafe – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Just as with people, a city is best defined by its heart. For Santa Fe, that would be its historic Plaza which has been, for much of four centuries, the city’s hub of commerce, culture and government. The Plaza is at the confluence of El Camino Real (the Spanish Royal Road from Mexico City), The Old Pecos Trail and the Santa Fe Trail. These historic transportation routes made settlement possible and facilitated trade and commerce. Today the Plaza is comprised of numerous shops, museums and restaurants surrounding a central park lined with towering shade trees. Because many of its buildings have changed little since Spanish colonial times, the Plaza is listed on the National Registry of Historic Places. The city’s oldest restaurant, the Plaza Cafe which has been serving Santa Fe since 1918, is on the southwestern side of the quadrant which comprises the Plaza. As it approaches its centennial, the Plaza Cafe remains one of the city’s most popular dining destinations, sought out by locals and tourists alike. The 2006 edition of the New Mexico Blue Book published by the Secretary of State’s office documents that in 1947, the Plaza Cafe was purchased by Dionysi Razatos, a Greek immigrant…

Kokopelli’s Restaurant & Cantina – Sandia Park, New Mexico

Perhaps the most ubiquitous symbol of the ancient Anasazi culture is Kokopelli, a hump-backed, flute playing figure commonly found in petroglyphs and pottery throughout the Southwest and as far away as South America. Regarded as the universal symbol of fertility for all life–be it crops, hopes, dreams or love–Kokopelli might have been relegated to obscurity to all but cultural anthropologists, however, with the emergence of Santa Fe’s modern culture, he has become universally known. Today Kokopelli paraphernalia has come to symbolize the kitsch and excess of Santa Fe style. Sure enough, Kokopelli’s Restaurant and Cantina has several Kokopelli figures and images strewn about. It also has some of the best fajitas in the Albuquerque area. By and large the skirt steak served on most fajitas is as tough as a leather belt and the accompanying green and red peppers are drastically under-cooked. Not so at Kokopelli’s where the marinated beef was melt-in-your mouth and delicious. Not quite as good were the juevos rancheros which I ordered with both red and green chile. The green chile was wholly innocuous while the red chile had perhaps the kick of a legless mule. The best item on that traditional breakfast concoction were the…