Little Red Hamburger Hut – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“I’ll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” – J. Wellington Wimpy Cultural shock! It’s been oft repeated that the United States and England are two nations separated by a common language. I had no idea how much the two nations are separated by more than language until 1979 when stationed at Royal Air Force Base Upper Heyford just outside of Oxford, England. Cultural differences were especially evident in dining experiences. Back then American fast food restaurants were as scarce in England as fish and chips restaurants were in the United States. McDonald’s, Burger King and Pizza Hut had just starting to make inroads in the megalopolis of London. In smaller cities, if we wanted an American hamburger, the only option was a chain of England-based hamburger restaurants named Wimpy’s. During my first visit to Wimpy’s there were many reminders we were not in America. First, service was on New Mexico time (and I say that with the utmost affection); the concept of fast food was apparently lost on the wait staff. Secondly, portions were parsimonious. The burgers weren’t the size of a frisbee the way American servicemen liked them. Soft drinks were merely eight-ounces, not the barrel-sized cups…

Kaktus Brewery Tap @ Nob Hill – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Most of us have known a wine snob or two. You know the type. They refer to themselves as oenophiles, a fancy way of saying “connoisseur or lover of wines.” They believe themselves to possess refined palates and won’t drink a wine that isn’t as cultured as they are. Even then, they first have to check the color and opacity of the wine. Then they twirl their glass for ten minutes or so before sticking their nose into the glass (like anteaters at an ant hole) and sniffing the wine noisily. They then proudly proclaim the wine has notes of oak, berries or butter. Their next step is to gargle with the wine, sloshing it between their cheeks and gums before finally imbibing of its delicate flavors and proclaiming it worthy. In recent years, another adult beverage snob has arisen to give oenophiles some competition in the haughtiness department. They’re called “cerevisaphiles,” a term that refers to beer enthusiasts. Cerevisaphiles turn their nose up at Pabst Blue Ribbon and other “pedestrian swill.” As with their oenophile counterparts, the cerevisaphiles pride themselves on their discerning palates. They will drink no beer before or after its time and are careful to note…

Vernon’s Open Door – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

However well-intended, the corporate world’s “open door policy” doesn’t always have the desired effect of establishing trust between employees and their managers. This became evident during my first corporate gig after leaving the Air Force. My boss, whom Jerry Seinfeld would describe as a “loud talker” spoke at a decibel level rivaling the University of New Mexico’s fabled Pit during a Lobo fast break. Compounded with the fact that our offices were housed in a pod of flimsy mobile offices affectionately called Jurassic Park and it was a recipe for disaster. Though held behind closed doors, one-on-one meetings were hardly private. Paper-thin walls and rickety doors meant everyone within a two block radius could hear my boss. Consequently employees remained apprised of matters–such as employee discipline, pay raises or promotions, for example–not intended for public consumption. At its very worse, we learned of a fellow employee’s dilemma as to which she should treat first, her chlamydia or her dandruff. For fear of bursting out in raucous laughter, we couldn’t look her in the face for a long time. Memories of those failed “open door policy” meetings flooded back to me at Vernon’s Open Door restaurant when my Kim and I…

Magokoro Japanese Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Emeril Lagasse, the jovial master of the culinary catchphrase, has been known to exhort his studio audience to “feel the love” as he adds a dash or two of something special to a dish. Indeed, love is that extra ingredient many chefs say they add to make everything they prepare taste better. To these chefs, cooking with love is not a labor of love because the gratification they receive is as intrinsically nourishing and pleasing as their cuisine is pleasurable and fulfilling to the diners who partake of it. Asian cultures have known for time immemorial that cooking is more than providing sustenance to sate hunger. They believe cooking and eating can create spiritual awareness and foster community as well as inspire the heart. The Chinese term dim sum, in fact, translates to “touching the heart.” In Japan, there’s a similar term–“Magokoro,” which is translated as “heart of truth” and is considered the basic attitude toward life. Magokoro is used to convey “sincerity, pure heart, uprightness.” It is, generally, the sincere attitude of a person in doing his or her best. Doing her best is precisely what Takako Bowen, the owner and chef of Albuquerque’s Magokoro Japanese Restaurant has done…

The Burrito Lady – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“It is the blood of the Lunas to be quiet, for only a quiet man can learn the secrets of the earth that are necessary for planting — They are quiet like the moon.” ~Bless Me Ultima, by Rudolfo A. Anaya For nearly seventy-years, Consuelo Flores’s father harnessed the secrets of the earth to raise some of the best, most piquant green chile in Puerto de Luna, an agrarian community about ten miles outside of Santa Rosa, New Mexico which was made famous by Rudolfo Anaya’s classic novel. He imparted those secrets to his daughter who grew up participating in all facets of the chile “life cycle”–planting, harvesting, roasting and cooking. Today Consuelo, Albuquerque’s beautiful Burrito Lady, demonstrates every day just how well she learned those secrets by preparing some of the most delicious chile in Albuquerque. Consuelo uses only chile of the “hot” variety, admitting it’s not as good as the green chile her family raised. After years of working in other restaurants, Consuelo launched the Burrito Lady restaurant because it’s the only way she could get New Mexican food as good as she makes it home and she wanted to share her culinary skills with Albuquerque. Her perpetual…

Cafe Bella Luca – Truth or Consequences, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker; an abiding passion for the task, courage to go out on a limb and an impeccable sense of balance” – Bryan Miller Former New York Times food critic The qualities of a truly exceptional cook do not include plying his or her trade under the spotlight of a heavily trafficked metropolitan restaurant frequented by the glitterati and anointed by the cognoscenti or the Food Network. Truly exceptional cooks can shine brightly even outside the big city and media spotlight. Some of the very best cooks and chefs in the fruited plain are relatively unheralded by the teeming masses and remain undiscovered by the the saccharine television food programs. Some of them toil far from the well-beaten-and-well-eaten path and care more about the craft than they do the pursuit of celebrity. Truly exceptional cooks shine so brightly that their reputations for exceedingly high standards and inventive cuisine precede the media stampede. The very best among these exceptional chefs maintain those standards after they’ve been discovered. Though they may appreciate any newfound attention, their focus remains on proving themselves with every single meal and to every single…

Filling Philly’s – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

In 2008, Philadelphia, which translates from Greek to “the City of Brotherly Love” was named by Forbes Magazine as America’s fifth most miserable city, a ranking based on such factors as tax rates, commute times, violent crime, unemployment and weather. The city’s sports fans, in particular, are notorious for their “lack of fraternal affection,” mercilessly turning on even their own teams and players when they underachieve, regardless of past performance. In the annals of “what have you done for me lately” lore, the last time any of the city’s four major professional sports (football, basketball, baseball and hockey) teams earned a championship was in 2008, putting a stop to a fifteen year drought. Rather than being “lovable losers,” the Philadelphia fanatics have become mavens of misery. How miserable is Philadelphia? In 1968, when he walked onto the field for the halftime show, jolly old Saint Nick was greeted by a chorus of boos and a fusillade of snowballs from Philadelphia Eagles football fans. That the city’s rabid sports fans would boo Santa should come as no surprise. Eagles fans also cheered when Dallas Cowboys receiver Michael Irvin lay injured and motionless on the turf, paralysis a real possibility. They assaulted…

Tecolote Cafe – Santa Fe, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Everyone knows the most sagacious of all creatures in nature is the owl. The owl is to whom all other creatures go to get some of life’s most pondered questions answered–questions such as “how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?” After having posed the question to a cow, a fox and a turtle, a young boy decides to ask the wise owl. “Good question, let’s find out,” the owl retorts. “A One…A two-hoo…A three (crunch sound effect). Three!” It took three licks for the erudite owl to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie roll, prompting the boy to declare, “if there’s anything I can’t stand, it’s a smart owl.” Three is also the number of visits to New Mexico restaurants made in December, 2007 by Guy Fieri while filming episodes of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives for the Food Network. Fieri was wise enough to make one of those visits to Santa Fe’s own owl, the famous and fabulous Tecolote Cafe. Tecolote is the Nahuatl (Aztec) word for “owl,” but founding proprietors Bill and Alice Jamison actually named their restaurant for an all-but-deserted Northern New Mexican village alongside…

Cafe Bien – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

My friend Hannah, a brilliant linguist who’s become rather expert in the etymology and evolution of languages, speech patterns and morphology would find it dismaying should she hear someone attribute the term “Romance language” to the seductive sweet nothings spoken by such onscreen Lotharios as Ricardo Montalban. With the mere utterance of “Corinthian leather,” Montalban could make women (and some men) swoon, but while his smooth intonations and thick, sophisticated accent may sound “romantic,” “Romance languages have nothing to do with love and romance. Romance languages (the R is always capitalized) are languages that developed out of the Latin used in the Roman Empire between the sixth and ninth centuries A.D.. By the beginning of the 21st century nearly one billion people claimed a Romance language as their mother tongue, 300 million people as a second language. The five most widely spoken Romance languages are Spanish (410 million), Portuguese (216 million), French (75 million), Italian (60 million), and Romanian (25 million). Romance languages still share several commonalities and a surprisingly high proportion of basic vocabulary. Though more a polyglot (if knowing cuss words in multiple languages qualifies me as such) than a linguist, my first inclination at hearing about Cafe…

La Crêpe Michel – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

FROM THE LA CREPE MICHEL WEBSITE: We have decided to permanently close La Crepe Michel.  I want to thank everyone for making more than 30 years possible.  We will miss you all and we have wonderful memories that will last forever.  Again, thank you.  – Claudie and all the staff at crepe michel The crêpe is, at its essence, not much more than a very thin cooked pancake, but ask even the most accomplished chefs to relate their initial attempts at baking crêpes and you’ll be regaled with tales of exasperation, woe, despair and misery. Use too much water or milk and not enough fat and the crêpes will turn out elastic and tough. If your pan isn’t hot enough, the crêpes will stick to it; too hot and the crêpes turn out lacy. Roll them too tight and they’ll explode and scald your face… Or at least that was the experience of Dominicans trying to pass off as Cuban cigar rollers in a hilarious episode of Seinfeld. When the owners of the Magic Pan crêperie became incapacitated, Jerry had the “Cubans” fill in at the restaurant rolling crêpes. Not surprisingly, the “Cubans” rolled the crêpes cigar tight, causing the…

Loving Vegan – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

My adovada adoring amigo Ruben likened the irony to an episode of Seinfeld. Two weeks into his experiment with an ostensibly healthier vegan diet, he was craving sushi and needed his sushi-specific pangs of hunger sated. No sooner had we finished a very satisfying sushi soiree at Albuquerque’s only vegan sushi restaurant than our waitress apprised us the restaurant would be closing for good two days later. “Serenity now,” we cried, mimicking Frank Costanza when faced with a stressful situation. It just didn’t seem fair that we would make such a delicious discovery only to have plans for future meals dashed. Loving Vegan gave it the “old college try,” initially launching in June, 2012 on Coors Blvd before relocating in November, 2013 to a much more heavily trafficked Nob Hill location. In its relatively short life, Loving Vegan garnered a loyal following and a very prestigious honor. Within a year of opening, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) named Loving Vegan the “top restaurant for vegan sushi” in the United States and Canada. The citation from PETA read: “Loving Vegan earned our top prize because it truly proves that any food can be made deliciously and healthfully without…