AlbuquerqueBernalilloNew MexicoPaletasRating: ExcellentRio Rancho

The Paleta Bar – Bernalillo, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

A few decades ago, Mad Magazine (or was it Cracked) published a two-panel cartoon depicting a couple of gringo turistas visiting Mexico on a stifling summer day.  On the first panel, one turista tells the other that he heard Mexican Coke is much stronger than Coke bottled across the border in the states.  When the second turista opens the bottle, a fizzy carbonated explosion knocks down a bird flying overhead…proving, of course, that Mexican Coke is definitely stronger (not to mention better tasting). Even a camel would get thirsty in Mexico on a sweltering July day when temperatures flirt with the century mark and there are no cacti in sight to provide shade.  No matter how thirsty that infernal dry…

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Guava Tree Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno8:07 PM

A few years ago, my friend Bill Hanson, a gastronome of the first order, was hosting several of his Costa Rican employees at Intel’s Ocotillo (Arizona) plant. Like me, Bill delights in introducing his friends to new culinary adventures. Unfortunately, not all our colleagues were similarly inclined (despite one of Intel’s corporate values being “risk-taking”). One of them convinced the “Ticos” that the restaurant they should not miss for a “true American dining experience” was Claim Jumper, a regional chain (and slight upgrade from Chili’s). Ever the gracious host, Bill acquiesced to the Ticos’ request. I’ll let him describe the rest (from his gastronomic blog The Tao of Chow): “As each dish was produced and delivered to the table I…

AlbuquerqueBarbecueFood TruckNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

Steam Q – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:02 AM

“I don’t know why men like to barbecue so much. Maybe its the only thing they can cook. Or maybe they’re just closet pyromaniacs.” ~Cecelia Ahern, P.S. I Love You >Whether or not the dubious and persistent stereotype about men and their grills has any veracity is a topic oft debated.  It’s been discussed anecdotally and it’s been analyzed scientifically.  In a 2010 article for Forbes, Meghan Casserly explained why men love grilling: “Grilling is sort of dangerous (there’s fire!), it lets dudes hang out together while also providing some sort of neutral entertainment (getting to watch one guy do stuff and possibly also criticizing him while he does it), and requires minimal cleaning (self-explanatory).” >In his 1993 essay “Why…

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Urban Hotdog Company – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno8:51 PM

Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs. Armour Hot Dog Commercial, 1960s Advertising standards in the 1960s were quite a bit more lax than they are today. In today’s culture of American political correctness and woke idealogy, there’s no way an earworm-inspiring jingle such as the Armour Hotdog commercial would ever see the light of day, but back then it helped sell a lot of hot dogs. Even in the 1960s, Armour’s savvy ad agency undoubtedly understood the influence children had on the family’s food consumption budget. In addition to catchy jingles designed to appeal to children, Armour’s advertising agency enticed children with prizes to be…

New MexicanNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Rio Rancho

Burrito Express – Rio Rancho, New Mexico

Gil Garduno8:32 PM

In an article entitled “Ode to the Handheld” in the April, 2020 edition of New Mexico Magazine, writer Alicia Inez Guzman noted that when her dad was growing up in the sixties, “the idea of plating a burrito for a sit-down meal was unheard of, laughable even.  That’s because the humble tortilla-as-envelope filled with protein and starch was tailor-made for eating in the fields and long the companion of the farm worker.” Google “burrito” and the results returned will almost invariably ascribe the same adjective used by Alicia Inez Guzman to describe the burrito–humble.  That’s fitting considering burrito translates from Spanish to “little donkey,” also a companion of the farm worker and perhaps the most humble and hard-working of all…

AlbuquerqueDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: ExcellentThai

Thai Kitchen – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno3:52 PM

“There is no good meat that their stupid cooks do not spoil with the sauce they make. They mix with all their stews a certain paste made of rotten prawns…which has such a pungent smell that it nauseates anyone not accustomed to it.” No, that’s not a review published by a disgruntled diner on Zomato or Yelp. Nor is it Gil describing a chile dish to which liberal amounts of cumin were added. This scathing indictment was written in 1688 by Gervaise, a Catholic missionary from France. It was his tactless way of describing a Siamese meal at a diplomatic function he attended. Much has changed since Gervaise disparaged and insulted the cuisine of what is today Thailand, the only…

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New Mexico Eateries Dishing Out Great Grub During Lockdown

Gil Garduno11:38 AM

Several years ago after waging a lengthy and courageous battle, my friend Larry’s beloved bride of nearly four decades succumbed to the ravages of cancer. It was a devastating loss for her family, friends and community who loved her. Among the very first people who reached out to Larry were Joe and Kassie Guzzardi, the affable proprietors of Joe’s Pasta House, a Rio Rancho institution and one of the family’s favorite restaurants. Joe and Kassie ferried over trays of food to feed all the well-wishers.   Not even a year later, our friend Brian passed away at 48, far-too-young for someone who had so much to give.  When his parents from Fort Worth asked us to help them find a…

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Slice & Dice – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno5:37 PM

You might remember a 2004 documentary called Supersize Me in which writer-producer Morgan Spurlock explored the consequences on his health of a diet consisting solely of McDonald’s food for one month.  Spurlock has nothing on Dan Janssen who as of 2019 had eaten almost nothing but pizza for nearly thirty years.  That’s pizza for lunch and dinner every day of the year for just about three decades.  Janssen is certainly no believer in the old adage that variety is the spice of life because the only spice with which he tops his pizza is oregano.  Nor does variety extend to the type of pizza he enjoys.  Every day he usually consumes one fourteen-inch cheese pizza for lunch and another for…

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Triple B’s Bar-B-Que Burgers & Burritos – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno8:47 PM

Archaeologists in Spain claim to have unearthed the original man cave. What is most remarkable about this finding is how very similar Neanderthal man and contemporary man are. Men, it could be said, have not evolved much. Neanderthals were hairy and brutish in appearance, very much like the New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles. They spoke in guttural grunts, similar to today’s politicians. Neanderthals scrawled their art on cave walls; contemporary man expresses himself artistically on bridges, underpasses and walls. Neanderthal man used tools: hammers, clubs and axes; contemporary man uses tools: television remote controls, joy sticks and iPhones. Cultural anthropologists (and Barbara Streisand) have long posited that throughout evolutionary history, man has had an inherent need for belonging to…

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California Pastrami & More – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno11:43 PM

During a 1997 episode of Seinfeld, the “show about nothing,” George Costanza and his girlfriend du jour discussed the possibility of incorporating food into their lovemaking–not as a post-coital meal, but in flagrante delicto. George listed as potential food candidates: strawberries, chocolate sauce, honey and…pastrami on rye with mustard. Yes, that’s pastrami on rye. His girlfriend, unfortunately, failed to appreciate the erotic qualities of pastrami and thus, their relationship terminated. Ultimately George met up with a woman who echoed his sentiments when she declared pastrami to be “the most sensual of all the salted cured meats.” With that proclamation, their lustful appetites took over and they succumbed to the pastrami inspired throes of passion, albeit also incorporating television watching. It’s…

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The Jealous Fork – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno4:02 PM

In December, 1997, two-time James Beard award-winning author Deborah Madison penned a memorable article for Sunset Magazine.  Its  provocative title “Land of Enchiladas” certainly resonated with me.  Before relocating to the Santa Fe area where she now lives, Deborah would visit New Mexico quite regularly.  As with most New Mexicans returning home–whether from vacation or relocating permanently–the incomparable cuisine of our enchanted state was a priority even before she crossed into our sacred borders.  She always looked forward to that first plate of flat enchiladas smothered with red chili sauce. One bite and I knew I was in New Mexico. It tasted like home cooking, It tastes like home.  That’s a sentiment to which many of us can relate.  No…