Tortilla Kitchen – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

A sure sign Spring has arrived In rural New Mexico is the annual ritual of cleaning the acequias, the community operated ditches used to irrigate fields, gardens and lawns. Early in the morning, property owners or their designated paid representatives would convene at appointed spots to begin the effort. Work crews typically consisted of grizzled veterans, most of whom acted as “mayordomos” (bosses) and young bucks like me with strong backs. Not surprisingly, distribution of work was…shall we say, quite inequitable. The old-timers would order us around, shouting out instructions like elderly drill sergeants. Most of us youngsters didn’t mind. During frequent breaks we got to hear some of the most ribald and raunchy stories from highly respected elders. One I’ve never forgotten is when a thrice-married viejito was asked by a colleague “Do all women look alike?” “I’ll tell you honestly,” he responded “not even their tortillas look alike.” While the question was designed to elicit a response about a certain female, er…anatomical part, my take-away had everything to do with tortillas. My mom was (and still is) the very best tortillera in the Penasco valley. Her tortillas were on the thin side with beautiful pinto pony char spots.…

The Last Call – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

NOTE:  Shortly after the Last Call shuttered its doors, Cali Burrito Co. launched at the same familiar location. Its grand opening day was 1 December 2023. “Ah, but after the sunset, the dusk and the twilight, when shadows of night start to fall. They roll back the sidewalk precisely at ten and people who live there are not seen again.” ~John Denver: Saturday Night In Toledo Albuquerque has a reputation of being a town which “rolls up the sidewalk,” an expression used to describe towns where businesses close up early and night life is very limited (translation: bars close early).  The Land of Enchantment’s liquor laws mandate that bars close at 2AM, an hour apparently considered “too early” by those who describe the Duke City as a sleepy town.  As someone who considers it a late evening when we stay up to watch the opening skit on Saturday Night Live, terms such as “rolling up the sidewalk” and “last call” have very little personal relevance.  But there was a time… If you’re expecting salacious details of my debauched youth, you’ll be disappointed to learn my personal experiences with “last calls” were mostly as a designated driver for friends who often…

Tikka Spice South Asian Street Food – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED*)

*NOTE:  Only the brick and mortar version of Tikka Spice has closed.  Tikka Spice still operates out of a food truck. In baseball it’s called the “Triple Crown,”an incredibly rare achievement in which a player leads the league in average, home runs, and runs batted in.  To win the triple crown, a player must tremendous power to hit for distance as well as a very keen eye to hit baseballs thrown at nearly 100 miles per hour and place them on the field in positions that result in driving in runs.  In horse racing, the term Triple Crown represents a series of horse races for three-year-old Thoroughbreds, consisting of the Kentucky Derby, Preakness Stakes, and Belmont Stakes.  To win all three of these races is even more rare. There’s another Triple Crown competition that’s even more challenging and difficult to win.  That’s Edible’s Green Chile Cheeseburger Smackdown, an annual event held in Santa Fe every year since 2013.  This competition has one simple goal: to determine the best burger in New Mexico.  I would argue that the reason this competition is even more difficult to win than the aforementioned Triple Crowns is that the Smackdown is not an athletic achievement reliant on…

Pho 79 – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

When the temperature dips and the Land of Enchantment’s ubiquitous winds howl with a vengeance, savvy diners revel in the knowledge that they can luxuriate in the familiar warmth of a steaming, swimming pool-sized bowl of aromatically alluring pho. Few things in life are as comfortable as snuggling up with a simple and no frills bowl showcasing a rich, spicy, nuanced broth with tangles of rice noodles, fresh herbs and vegetables and a veritable meat fest (rare steak, tendon, brisket, meatball). It’s the single best way to warm up from the inside-out on a bitterly cold day. With nearly forty Vietnamese restaurants gracing the Duke City, diners have no shortage of purveyors to frequent for this preternaturally pleasurable elixir. The signage on eight of those restaurants includes the term “Pho,” a term which has been known to evoke a reaction akin to Pavlov’s dogs responding to a bell. It can get pretty embarrassing if you start salivating when you espy “Pho”emblazoned on a restaurant’s signage–even when that signage fronts that of low-rent Motel 76.  To be brutally honest, Pho 79 does not have the most alluring curb appeal.  In fact, it’s downright homely. Whether or not Pavlov’s disciples are consulted…

Panaderia Guatemalteca Eterna Primavera – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

To truly understand the cuisine of Guatemala, it helps to understand why this Central American paradise is known as the “Land of Eternal Spring.”  With nineteen diverse ecosystems, Guatemala boasts of jungles, forests, beaches, volcanoes and an expanse of natural resources.  Thick, lush vegetation enrobes seemingly never-ending mountain landscapes in verdant hues.  Magnificent pristine waterfalls cascade over those mountains, feeding the rivers that nourish fecund lands.  A belt of fire formed by active volcanoes is often shrouded by clouds just as ominous.  Bordered at its west by the Pacific and by the Atlantic at its east, Guatemala is graced by a diversity of climates and elevations. Relatively mild year-round, the climate is tropical and sub-tropical but varies greatly in relation to altitude.  Topographical diversity ranges from sea level to mountains that climb to more than 13,000 feet.  Precipitation in excess of 150-inches per year prevail at higher elevations while near-desert conditions persist elsewhere.  In addition to its well-deserved sobriquet “Land of Eternal Spring,” Guatemala is fittingly known as “the heart of the Mayan world.”    Pride in the culture and history of one of world’s greatest civilizations and their formidable accomplishments is understandably deep.  For more than a thousand years,…

Taos Diner – Taos, New Mexico (CLOSED)

FX on Hulu’s comedy-drama television series The Bear chronicles the adventures and misadventures of Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto, a James Beard Award-winning-chef who returns home to Chicago to run his family’s Italian beef sandwich shop after his older brother’s suicide. Unbeknown to the Chef, his brother left behind mountainous debts, a dilapidated kitchen, and an undisciplined staff.  The highly entertaining series has fueled a spike in the sales of Italian beef sandwiches (piles of thin-shaved roast beef slid au jus into a French roll and topped with giardiniera)–not only at Chicago-specialty restaurants across the fruited plain, but in restaurants (such as Albuquerque’s High Point Grill) inspired to try their hand at Chicago’s sacrosanct sandwich.  Sales of the classic Chicago sandwich are through the roof wherever they’re offered.  In addition to introducing the Italian beef sandwich to diners who had not previously heard of the sandwich,  The Bear has brought to light the chaotic and tedious reality of working in a kitchen.  The Bear introduces you to the inner working of the kitchen–from the food prep to the myriad supply chain and debt management problems restaurateurs have to juggle–not to mention interpersonal dynamics of a kitchen staff and its respective egos.  One…

Jerusalem – Taste of the Holy Land – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are inextricably tied to the ancient city of Jerusalem, the epicenter of sacred sites both unique and common to all three religions.  One of the oldest cities in the world as well as Israel’s capital city, Jerusalem has a prominent role in both the Old and New Testament.  According to Bible Study Tools, “the name “Jerusalem” occurs 806 times in the Bible, 660 times in the Old Testament and 146 times in the New Testament; additional references to the city occur as synonyms.” Surprisingly, Jerusalem is not directly mentioned by name in the Qur’an, even in its Arabic translation of Al Quds. As a lifelong Catholic (with the bad knees to show for it), the significance of Jerusalem was imprinted in my mind at an early age.  Catechism and Mass readings regaled us with stories of Jesus at the temple in Jerusalem as a precocious child listening, asking questions, and amazing Jewish teachers with his understanding.  We learned that Jerusalem was where a thirty-year-old Jesus was baptized by John, signaling the start of His ministry on Earth.  Jerusalem plays a prominent role throughout the life of Jesus, even onto His crucifixion at a knoll on the…

Canvas Artistry – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Edible art” isn’t just some trite phrase pedantic food critics use when food has aesthetic values that delight our senses. Mankind has been been intrigued by the concept of food as art since the dawning of rational thinking. Prehistoric cave paintings such as those in Les Trois Frères in Ariège, in southern France, depict families gathering around the fire to share the foods they had prepared, an event made possible by the discovery of fire. Fire, it goes without saying, was also the catalyst behind men first wearing aprons emblazoned with “kiss the cook.” Moving past prehistoric taggers scrawling graffiti on cave walls, edible art became more urban when Egyptians painted food on the walls of the great pyramids (ostensibly to nourish the dearly departed who had transitioned to the afterlife). During the halcyon days of the Greek and Roman empires, the depiction of food took on a more realistic tone when glass bowls of fruit were painted to denote the delicacies enjoyed by the one-percenters of the day (and some of those paintings still hang on the walls of many a Midwestern grandmother’s home). The reverence with which mankind esteems food in art has expanded almost as quickly as…

The Acre – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Toula: Actually, um Ian’s a vegetarian. Uh, he doesn’t eat meat. Aunt Voula: He don’t eat no meat? HE DON’T EAT NO MEAT?! *Long silence* Oh that’s ok, I make lamb. ~Big Fat Greek Wedding A cross-sectional study conducted in 2006 by medical researchers in Austria concluded that “vegetarians are less healthy and have a lower quality of life than meat-eaters” and that “there is an association between a vegetarian diet and an increased risk of certain chronic diseases.” The “chronic diseases” cited in the study were allergies, cancer and mental illness. While this study and its methodologies have largely been discredited, my former colleague Matt Mauler, a fanatical meat-and-potatoes paramour, likes to cite this study when someone “preaches” the virtues of vegetarianism. He especially revels in emphasizing the part about mental illness. “You’ve got to be crazy not to love cheeseburgers, steak and pork chops,” he snorts with derision. The only vegetables Matt likes are those with which he tops his favorite comfort foods: pizza (lots of mushrooms and black olives followed by a six-pack chaser), burgers (only lettuce unless you consider bacon and cheese vegetables) and Chicago hot dogs (enough sport peppers to choke a dragon). Every other…

El Cotorro – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

There’s a scene in the 2006 lucha libre (Mexican professional wrestling) comedy film Nacho Libre in which Nacho’s ectomorphic tag team partner Esqueleto (“the skeleton”) orders two grilled, buttered and chile-dusted elotes (corn-on-the-cob) from a street vendor. Esqueleto graciously attempts to hand one to Nacho who rebuffs the offer, knocks the elotes to the ground and bellows “get that corn out of my face!” That antagonistic act so enraged Esqueleto that he leaped on Nacho’s back and attempted to throw his corpulent partner to the ground. The sight of the two golden elotes tinged with red chile on the ground was funny at the time, however, after consuming the elotes at El Cotorro, we would consider knocking elotes to the ground an act of sacrilege and sheer madness. It’s no wonder Esqueleto was so upset. Sure we’ve had elotes elsewhere…plenty of elotes at a plethora of elsewheres, in fact, but only at El Cotorro have elotes made us swoon in appreciation. El Cotorro, which translates to “the parrot” in English is not what you might expect from a Mexican restaurant of that name. It’s not a restaurant named for the stereotypical squawking “Polly wants a cracker” parrot mascot some kitschy…

Ale’s Cakes – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Hypocrisy thy name is Gil. “For someone who whined so much about a one-hour (each way) commute to work, you’re willing to drive a hundred miles for lunch” my Kim lamented.  Our lunch destination wasn’t nearly a hundred miles away, but when you’re hungry it probably seems that way.  It would have seemed even further had we traversed the entirety of the street in which our intended restaurant is located. In fact, from its starting point to its terminus, that drive would truly have seemed interminable through all its winding and congested permutations. The street of which I speak is Albuquerque’s own Coors Blvd, otherwise known as New Mexico State Road 45.  According to Wikipedia, Coors Blvd is 22,918-miles long…er, make that 22.9-miles long though it does seem painfully longer than that (especially when you’re hungry).  Coors meanders parallel to the Rio Grande from the Southern boundary of Rio Rancho through Albuquerque and onto Isleta Pueblo.  It takes significantly longer to drive this route than it took the Mexican conquistadores to walk the Camino Real. Thank goodness for I-25 and Rio Bravo Blvd which shortened the length of our drive.  As we wended our way south on Coors, my Kim…