Saffron Tiger Indian Cuisine Express – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Is there anything that screams monotonous, tedious homogeneity louder than the typical food court at any mall in cosmopolitan America?   “But,” you might argue, “the food court is a paragon of diversity where you can get your fill of pizza, sushi, burgers, cinnamon rolls, sweet and sour mystery meat and a veritable United Nations line-up of ethnic foods all in one place.”  While that might be true, my argument is that the same boring sameness you find in Albuquerque’s mall food courts can be found at any food court in any mall.  Only airports have a similarly comparable array of uninspiring food-court-type selections. Despite the “culinary diversity” in food courts, there is an almost general scarcity of local culinary representation.…

Lucia – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

There was a time the name “Hilton” didn’t conjure up images of a ditzy blonde airhead whose celebrity is based largely on promiscuity. On second thought, maybe not. More than 50 years ago, another ditzy blonde temptress, Zsa Zsa Gabor honeymooned at Albuquerque’s Hilton Hotel with her then husband Conrad Hilton, a New Mexico native and founder of the historic downtown hotel.  It was Hilton’s fourth hotel and the very first modern high-rise hotel in the Land of Enchantment. The ten-story hotel, launched in 1939, was an example of New Mexico Territorial style architecture, showcasing earth tone stucco and southwest woodwork, furnishings and artwork.  Its imposing two-story lobby, stately arches, hand-carved beams and balconies overlooking the lobby made it one…

Village Subs – Los Ranchos de Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

To paraphrase John 15:13, “No greater love a man has than this, that a man give up his life for a….sandwich?” In an uproariously funny episode of the television show Friends, Joey, Chandler and Ross go on a ride-along with Phoebe’s policeman boyfriend. Believing a back-firing muffler was actually a gunshot, Joey (sitting in between his two friends) dives, seemingly to protect Ross from harm.  Naturally Chandler was upset that Joey would choose to protect Ross instead of him…until he learns that Joey was actually trying to protect his sandwich.  In the finest tradition of Dagwood Bumstead, Joey Tribbiani loved sandwiches; they were his favorite food. I don’t know how many Americans would “take a bullet” for their sandwich, but…

Señor Dog – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

H. K. Duff VIII:  Why not break your fast with our brand-new Isotope Dog Supreme? [Homer sniffs the hot dog.] Homer Simpson:  Oh, so hard to resist. Mesquite-grilled onions. Jalapeño relish. … Wait a minute, those are Southwestern ingredients. … Mango-lime salsa? That’s the kind of bold flavor they enjoy in … Albuquerque! Lenny: He’s right. Moe:  Yeah … and the wrapper says “Albuquerque Isotopes”! Within three months after the Duke City’s Triple-A baseball team, the Albuquerque Isotopes, co-opted its team name from The Simpsons animated television series, it sold more merchandise than the city’s previous Triple-A team, the Albuquerque Dukes, had sold in any entire season.  That was even before a single game had even been played. In that…

Jo’s Place – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

By their fruits ye shall know them. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? -Matthew 7:16 As Americans are often prone to judge fruit by the pleasingness of its appearance, the fragrance of its bouquet and the sweetness of its flavor, huitlacoche may not stand a chance.  A fungus which forms on the ears of corns, huitlacoche resembles a malignant tumor with postulous  black secretions  Worse, its name translates from Nahuatl, the ancient language of the Aztecs, to raven shi…er, excrement. In more pleasant company it’s called corn smut.  As if that isn’t bad enough, it’s created from a disease formed by a pathogenic plant fungus.  Is it any wonder persnickety Americans have been…

Tim’s Place – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED: 2015)

“In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson WARNING:  The program you are about to see…seeks to throw a humorous spotlight on our frailties, prejudices and concerns.  By making them a source of laughter, we hope to show–in a mature fashion–just how absurd they are.”  With that stark warning, the landmark satire All in the Family debuted on January 12th, 1971.  No television program–before or since–has changed the face of television to the extent All in the Family did.  Some credit it for ushering in the era of political correctness. At its peak, All in the Family was the highest rated television show in…

Guicho’s Authentic Mexican Food Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

There have been Mexican restaurants in the Land of Enchantment for as long as there have been restaurants.  While the distinction between Mexican restaurants and New Mexican restaurants has become less obfuscated over time, there is still a tendency among many casual diners to think “a Mexican restaurant is a Mexican restaurant.”  That errant thinking is probably due to the preponderance on this side of the border of Mexican restaurants from the northern Mexican state of Chihuahua. The cuisine of Chihuahua is characterized by its simplicity, reflecting the resilience of its people, settlers of a land steeped with rugged terrain, craggy mountains and rough lands in which great temperature variations exist between scalding heat and almost freezing cold.  Dehydrated chile is a…

Cool Water Fusion Restaurant – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

All day I’ve faced a barren waste Without the taste of water, cool water Old Dan and I with throats burned dry And souls that cry for water Cool, clear, water. – The Sons of the Pioneers Cool Water!  For all of us who have experienced the energy-depleting sensation of being parched on a sweltering, sudorific day in the desiccated southwest, there is nothing which will quench that thirst better than cool water.  Country crooner Marty Robbins sang about it in 1959 when he released his version of the classic Sons of the Pioneers song, his velvety smooth voice conveying the anguish of a man (and his mule Dan) in dire need of cool water’s life-giving, energy-replenishing qualities. Cool Water! …

Real Food Nation – Santa Fe, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Come on, you know you want it!”  Television commercials, movies and especially cartoons frequently depict temptation as a battle being waged by two miniature versions of the person being tempted. Faced with a crisis of conscience–doing the right or the wrong thing–a devil-self (complete with horns and a pitchfork) suddenly pops up on the left (or sinister) shoulder and an angel-self on the right.  Quite naturally, the devil-self prods and prompts for the person to do the wrong thing while the beatific angel-self implores the person to resist temptation. When waging an internal conflict as to whether or not I should have some unhealthy dessert, a greasy burger or another slice of pizza, my muse, angel and conscience is often…

Sandiago’s Mexican Grill – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

You don’t have to go out of town to dine to feel like you’re dining out of town.  A drive to Sandiago’s Mexican Grill on the base of the Sandia Tramway will do that for you.  This colorful restaurant in which everything but the ceiling appears tiled in multi-hued splendor evokes images of coastal Mexico Lindo Y Querido in all its glory. If you’re an atheist, the spectacular view of the city lights, particularly on a cold winter night, might just convince you that there is a God.  The summer view of the entire city bathed in light under Albuquerque’s cerulean skies is equally awe inspiring. Sandiago’s is part of the sprawling, multi-story complex which houses the boarding station to…

Willard Cantina & Cafe – Willard, New Mexico (CLOSED)

When it comes to staycations (stay at home vacations), New Mexicans rank near the bottom among America’s traveling public.  Citizens of the Land of Enchantment, it seems, prefer to spend their discretionary income elsewhere.  Monique Jacobson, Secretary of New Mexico’s Tourism Department, hopes to change that with a number of initiatives targeted at reminding New Mexico’s citizenry of all there is to do and see in our state. During the press conference in which she introduced the New Mexico Green Chile Cheeseburger Trail for 2011, Secretary Jacobson stressed that in addition to New Mexico’s natural treasures and storied past, culinary tourism–traveling throughout the state to experience its unique cuisine–is one of the best reasons to travel in New Mexico.  It’s…