Omira Bar & Grill – Santa Fe, New Mexico (CLOSED)

HOLLY: I can’t believe you’ve never taken anybody here before. JERRY: Well, I’m not really that much of a meat eater. HOLLY: . . . You don’t eat meat? Are you one of those. . . JERRY: Well, no, I’m not one of those. ~ Seinfeld “One of those!” Around my Chicago born and bred Kim and her family, that term fits me to a tee. As with many Midwestern families, my in-laws are rapacious carnivores. Their dining room table is a pantheon of pork and a bastion of beef. It’s a Bacchanalian feast of multitudinous meats. Similarly, meals at Windy City restaurants are veritable meat-fests where diners unleash their innermost meat-eating-machine. In the city’s chophouses (what every other city…

The Stumbling Steer – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

There are ranchers throughout New Mexico who might not think there’s anything even mildly amusing about a brewery and gastropub called The Stumbling Steer. These robust ranchers would likely equate the term Stumbling Steer to the clumsy gait exhibited by their precious livestock after they consume locoweed, a poisonous plant found in every one of the Land of Enchantment’s 33 counties. Ultimately leading to paralysis and death if not controlled, locoweed accounts for millions of dollars in livestock loss each year. The name Stumbling Steer obviously has nothing to do with the bane of ranchers throughout New Mexico. According to the gastropub’s Web site, the name has everything to do with a commitment to a farm and table approach. All…

Ali Baba – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Legends recount that in his quest for immortality, Mesopotamian king Gilgamesh visited a tavern where a divine barmaid gave him the advise: “Eat and drink your fill, Gilgamesh, and celebrate day and night. Make every day a festival; day and night dance and play.” Because of the fecundity of their land, the people of Mesopotamia could indeed afford to eat, drink and be merry until they died–even if they were denied immortality. The rich culinary legacy of ancient Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq) can be traced back more than 10,000 years when the comparatively lush and fecund land constituting the fertile crescent gave rise to the cradle of civilization. The availability of water and agricultural resources allowed some of the world’s earliest…

EPAZOTE ON THE HILLSIDE – Santa Fe, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Epazote. That’s a word that can make an intrepid chef’s toque blanche resemble the white flag of surrender. If you’re a culinary savant and haven’t heard of epazote, it’s probably because the chefs at restaurants you frequent might just be afraid to use it. Would you want to use an ingredient also known as “skunkweed” and “wormseed”…a word derived from a Nahuatl term for an animal with a rank odor…an ingredient perhaps best known for reducing the after-effects of eating beans? When Chef Fernando Olea chose to name his fabulous new world restaurant Epazote, it signaled a bold departure from the stereotype too many diners have of Mexican restaurants. In the Chef’s inimitably gentle manner, he was declaring his passion…

Gioco – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Archaeologists in Spain have unearthed the original man cave. What is most remarkable about this finding is how very similar Neanderthal man and contemporary man are. Men, it seems, have not evolved much. Neanderthals were hairy and brutish in appearance, much like the New York Giants. They spoke in guttural grunts, similar to today’s politicians. Neanderthals scrawled their art on cave walls; contemporary man expresses himself artistically on bridges, underpasses and walls. Neanderthal man used tools: hammers and axes; contemporary man uses tools: television remote controls and iPhones. Cultural anthropologists (and Barbara Streisand) have long posited that throughout evolutionary history, man has had an inherent need for belonging to a social group. We are driven to form and maintain at…

Tara Thai Cuisine – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

The Internet is replete with personality assessments. Some–such as a personality assessment based on your choice of pizza toppings–are created by psychologists ostensibly intent on obtaining scientifically valid results, but many others are intended solely for fun and have no real validity. In the latter category, most assessments can easily be manipulated to achieve the results you want. As you’re responding to questions, an inevitable conclusion becomes transparent. You can usually tell by the way you’re answering those questions what the results will be. On the other hand, some personality assessments are baffling. While you may think you’re manipulating the results, the subsequent assessment winds up contrary to your responses. One such assessment purports to tell you which “Big Bang…

Bodega Burger Co. & Lounge – Socorro, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“A Hamburger is warm and fragrant and juicy. A hamburger is soft and non-threatening. It personifies the Great Mother herself, who has nourished us from the beginning. A hamburger is an icon of layered circles, the circle being at once the most spiritual and the most sensual of shapes. A hamburger is companionable and faintly erotic: the nipple of the Goddess, the bountiful belly-ball of Eve.” ~Tom Robbins Hamburgers have long been the apotheosis of comfort food deliciousness and the favorite food of the masses. Regardless of socioeconomic strata, burgers are enjoyed by nearly one and all–to the tune of some 38 billion per year in the United States alone. That’s three per week on average for every man, woman…

Taste of Himalayas – Los Ranchos De Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

At 40,000 1/2 feet, the imposing Rum Doodle is the highest mountain in the world, surpassing even Mount Everest, its alpine neighbor on the Himalayas. Surmounted only by a group of audacious British mountaineers and their Yogastani porters in an odyssey fraught with misadventure, its ascent is the stuff of which mountaineering legends are made. As if scaling the perilous precipice wasn’t dangerous enough, the intrepid climbers had to endure the inedible culinary miscreations of Pong, the expedition’s sadistic cook. While Rum Doodle the mountain exists only in the 1956 novel The Ascent of Rum Doodle, there’s an immensely popular bar in Kathmandu named for the fictitious mountain. The Rum Doodle Bar is legendary as the gathering place and watering…

Chicharroneria Orozco – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air ~Hotel California – The Eagles Among the many alluring olfactory temptations emanating from dilapidated and timeworn food stalls and colorful restaurant storefronts throughout Mexico is the warm smell of colitas. They beckon passers-by to experience the aromas, sights, sounds and flavors of one of the Land of Montezuma’s most intriguing and unique dishes, one which will require timorous diners to renounce the heinous malefaction of consuming aartery-clogging and fatty foods. For many Americans, colitas have a major “ick” factor so they stick with the “safe” foods: tacos, tortas, tostadas and tamales (the “T” food group)…and wisely, they don’t drink the water.…

NM Rodeo Burgers – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“Traveling with the rodeo It’s the only life I’ll ever know I started in New Mexico Must have been a thousand years ago.” ~Lyrics to “Ride ‘Em Cowboy” by Paul Davis Although my friends and I were all fairly accomplished horse riders in the svelte and carefree days of our youth, Peñasco didn’t have a high school rodeo team so we couldn’t show off our skills in the arena of competition. Instead we entertained ourselves with such non-sanctioned “rodeo” events as hand-fishing for bottom-feeding suckers and tossing them into a chicken coop where a frenzied take-away melee would ensue with feathers and fish entrails flying. We also enjoyed tossing wet bailing wire into electrical wires overhead. if done right, the…

El Comedor De Anayas – Moriarty, New Mexico (CLOSED)

For years, one of the Land of Enchantment’s most renowned launching pads for political campaigns and careers has been Moriarty’s El Comedor De Anayas, a venue in which political power brokering has long been transacted over hot coffee and New Mexican food. Anyone and everyone who’s aspired to political office has held court at this venerable institution which translates from Spanish to “Dining Room of the Anayas.” Launched in 1953 (one year before Moriarty was incorporated), El Comedor has long been the home away from home for two dynastic Torrance county political powerhouse families–the Anayas and the Kings, progenitors of two governors, a state treasurer, an attorney general, a land commissioner, state legislators, university regents and virtually every other local…