Kitchen Se7ven – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

During a 1996 episode of Seinfeld, George Costanza, a self-proclaimed “short, balding, unattractive man” made the mistake of telling his fiancee he wanted to name his child “Seven” after his idol Mickey Mantle. To George’s chagrin, his fiancee’s cousin liked the idea so much she decided to name her own child Seven. Even as the cousin was being wheeled by an orderly into the delivery room, George tried in vain to convince her to name the child something else. Six, Thirteen, Fourteen, even…Soda. “it’s bubbly, it’s refreshing!,” he cried. When Chef Akio told us of the birth of his son just a day before our inaugural visit, we had to ask him if he’d be naming his son “Seven.” Obviously understanding the reference, he laughed and told us his son’s name would be Isaiah. The only seven in his family is the uniquely spelled “Kitchen Se7ven” he named his restaurant. If you’re looking for signage to guide you to his restaurant, you won’t find any. Kitchen Se7ven is located within the Kaktus Brewing Company on the western fringes of Nob Hill and eastern extremities of the University of New Mexico…you know, that weird corner bordered by Central to the South,…

Nob Hill Bar & Grill – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

There’s talk on the street, it’s there to remind you, it doesn’t really matter which side you’re on You’re walking away and they’re talking behind you They will never forget you ’til somebody new comes along – New Kid In Town: The Eagles As an independent observer of the New Mexico culinary experience, it’s always intrigued me just how fleeting and short-lived the popularity of new restaurants can be. Perhaps indicative of our human need for constant new sources of stimulation and gratification, diners (and restaurant critics) flock to new restaurants like moths to a flame. In our minds, new seems to translate to fresh and exciting. We seem drawn to the spit, polish and promise of new restaurants in our constant quest for new and different. The phenomenon of newness isn’t solely applicable to restaurants. On the liner notes of “The Very Best of the Eagles,” Don Henley explained the meaning behind their number one song “New Kid in Town:” We’re basically saying, ‘Look, we know we’re red hot right now but we also know that somebody’s going to come along and replace us–both in music and in love.’ The fleeting, fickle nature of our fascination with newness is…

Rock & Brews – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day.” ~Kiss For generations, American teenagers have undergone a rite of passage that has contributed greatly to their angst. That rite of passage is the ego-deflating criticism of the music they enjoy. Just as our parents hated the music we listened to, we hated the music our own children enjoy. It just seems ingrained in their DNA that parents will hate the music their children enjoy. Parental disapproval of their progeny’s choice in music probably achieved its heights (or low point) in the late ’50s when rock ’n’ roll was considered “the devil’s music” and Elvis’s gyrating pelvis was considered downright obscene. Music—whether it be punk rock, hardcore, rap, reggae or metal—still raises the rancor of parents. For teens of my generation, the target of our progenitors’ odium was rock and roll, albeit rock and roll with more adrenaline-stoked energy and attitude than the sappy, saccharine pop music with which they grew up (and which their own parents detested). Perhaps in defense of our music or in rebellion against parental stodginess, we adopted a song called “Rock and Roll All Night” as our anthem, the rallying cry for kids of…

Mogu Mogu – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

In the 1970s, comedian Norm Crosby based his schtick on the use of malapropisms (the mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect). The “master of the malaprop” would mispronounce keywords in familiar idioms and clichés, in the process giving new meaning to what he was trying to convey. Here are some examples: As a famous stand-up comic, he appreciated standing “ovulations” when he performed. When his dad explained the facts of life to him, his dad drew a big “diaphragm.” When he went to a tailor, it’s because his pants needed an “altercation.” When people couldn’t read or write, Crosby attributed the problem to “illegitimacy.” In real life, however, most people don’t realize their own fox paws. My Kim, for example, would give Norm Crosby a run for his money though her malapropisms are wholly innocent and not designed to elicit a laugh. On a sweltering summer day in Arlington Heights, Illinois, for example, she once ordered “soba” tea from the Mitsuwa Marketplace. Initially the young lady at the counter was confused, but once she figured out that Kim actually wanted “boba” tea, she couldn’t help but giggle. Recently at a…

Middle Eastern Food & Kababs – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

What do you do when you’ve just finished saving the world? Because warding off a vicious onslaught of alien invaders is bound to make you hungry, you just might have shawarma. That’s what the Avengers, Earth’s mightiest superheroes did. Lying on his back amidst the rubble of a demolished building after helping vanquish a phalanx of evil extraterrestrials, Iron Man doesn’t revel in victory or proclaim “We’re number one!” He asks his superhero colleagues “You ever try shawarma? There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.” After an intense and lengthy fight scene, his seemingly innocuous statement breaks the tension and reminds viewers that after working hard, even superheroes deserve a well-earned meal. After credits have rolled, the entire Avengers team is shown assembled at the shawarma joint, most still attired in full superhero regalia. The battle weary Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) eat (and ostensibly enjoy) their shawarma while the restaurateurs go about the business of sweeping the floor and cleaning up. As the Avengers’ collective exhaustion…

ECLECTIC URBAN PIZZERIA AND TAP HOUSE – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Looking around our table, my friend Ryan “Break the Chain” Scott astutely pointed out the relative scarcity of pizza at our table. Considering the Eclectic Urban Pizzeria and Tap Room may have been the most eagerly awaited pizzeria to open in Albuquerque in years, you’d think a phalanx of foodies would be devouring our weight in pizza…and while three pulchritudinous pies did grace our table, so did such eclectic fare as pho, chicken wings, roasted chicken and Chimichurri skirt steak a la plancha. Despite the term “eclectic” on the pizzeria’s appellation, the menu’s vast diversity actually surprised us. It’s a testament to his tremendous creativity and talent that Chef Maxime Bouneou can still surprise diners who for nine years reveled in his fabulous Italian creations at Torinos @ Home, the restaurant he founded with his beautiful bride and partner Daniela. Surprises at Torinos were usually of the “I can’t believe how good this is” variety. At Eclectic, surprises fall under the “I can’t believe he can prepare this so well” category, emphasis on “this.” Frankly we shouldn’t have been surprised at the diversity of dishes he prepares so well. Maxime isn’t a great chef who prepares great Italian food. He’s…

Pana’s Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

The term “red or green” has connotations beyond New Mexico’s sacrosanct chile. For restaurateurs across the Duke City, red or green can spell the difference between a good or bad reputation and even success or failure. All food service establishments across the city must display the results of the most recent restaurant inspection conducted by the Albuquerque Environmental Health Department. Those results are displayed on a “current grade” sticker in a visible inspection, typically the front door. Savvy diners look for a green sticker which signifies that a food establishment received a passing grade at their most recent inspection. It means the restaurant staff has demonstrated skills and knowledge that create a safe and sanitary food service environment. A red sticker, on the other hand, means the food service establishment has been downgraded for non-compliance with the Food Sanitation Ordinance. The dreaded red sticker can be the proverbial kiss of death. Although food service establishments are given the opportunity to correct critical violations, sometimes the damage to reputation is done. For years, the “red or green report” was a weekly staple of KOAT Action 7 News with appropriate dramatic emphasis accorded restaurants earning red stickers. As with inspections of any…

Forghedaboudit – Deming, New Mexico (CLOSED)

NOTE: While the Deming location of Forghedaboudit is permanently closed, you can visit this fabulous Italian eatery at its Las Cruces location. Several years ago, former New York Times food editor Sam Sifton posited the “Pizza Cognition Theory” which declared “the first slice of pizza a child sees and tastes (and somehow appreciates on something more than a childlike level) becomes, for him, pizza. He will defend this interpretation to the end of his life.” Because Sifton grew up in Brooklyn Heights, New York and was exposed to great pizza at a very early age, the Pizza Cognition Theory makes sense It makes sense, in fact, for everyone whose introduction to the sheer magical deliciousness that is pizza transpired at a venue which prepared truly transformative pizza. But what about the rest of us whose grew up in rural American and who may not have had our first “great” pizza until our shadows darkened the doors at Pizza Hut…or Domino’s or Papa John’s? Surely, the Pizza Cognition theory holds no personal weight for us. The Garduño siblings were first introduced to pizza in the dark ages when our mom prepared an “Appian Way” pizza from a Chef Boyarde “Pizza Kit,”…

Latitude 33 – Truth or Consequences, New Mexico

“Of all places in the country where you could have opened a restaurant, why Truth or Consequences, New Mexico?” You can bet Joseph Schmitt has been asked that question many times, especially when people find out his previous address was in Palm Springs, California where he was an accomplished travel writer with a special affinity for cooking and dining. Schmitt’s introduction to T or C started off as business but wound up as pleasure. Assigned to write about New Mexico’s salubrious spas, he enjoyed the T or C area so much that he hawked the story idea to several publications, the impetus for several return trips. With each return trip he found more to love about the area until ultimately relocating in April, 2013. In all fairness, one of the reasons guests to Schmitt’s Latitude 33 Asian fusion restaurant ask “why T or C” is because they don’t expect to find a restaurant offering such sophisticated fare. That’s especially true if they haven’t visited America’s most affordable spa town in a while. In recent years, the influx of free-thinking quirkiness, eclectic artsiness and a bohemian spirit have touched all aspects of life in this small city, including its restaurants. If…

El Maguey – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

On a 2010 episode of The Travel Channel’s No Reservations series, host Anthony Bourdain described pulque as “the sap of the maguey cactus” as well as “man juice” and “Mexican Viagra.” That may explain why so many aspiring middle-aged brewers across the fruited plain rushed to their local nurseries in search of the maguey plant. Although maguey may be plentiful even in the Land of Enchantment, extracting pulque is a laborious process involving four distinct steps, the first of which is called castration. The name of this step may also explain why so many middle-aged men quickly lost their enthusiasm for cultivating maguey. In parts of Mexico where the maguey is harvested, native Zapotec, Mixtec and Mixe producers actually ask the plant for permission to harvest it. With the utmost respect, they tell the maguey that its use will primarily be for celebratory rituals and not solely for the sake of profit. Soon after the dawning of 2017, Rio Rancho saw the launch of El Maguey, a Mexican restaurant named for the plant held in such high esteem throughout Mexico. At El Maguey, horchata may be the closest thing to the alcoholic beverage made from the sap of the maguey…

Hello Poké – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Ask most professional restaurant critics where to find the highest rated or best restaurant across the fruited plain (or even in their locality) and they’ll likely steer you in the direction of some highfalutin restaurant serving haute cuisine prepared by (or at least named for) a celebrated chef. With an exclusive wine cellar showcasing fine aged vintage, these white tableclothed pantheons of gastronomy are altars of excess. Obtaining a table could mean several months on a waiting list and a meal could set you back the equivalent of two months in groceries. For most of us dining at such establishments is a rare event reserved for special occasions. The difference between professional restaurant critics and the general dining population is that the latter isn’t necessary impressed by ambiance, cost and exclusivity. To the “average” Joe and Jane, it’s all about enjoyment and experience. The venue in which much of the general dining population expresses its likes and dislikes isn’t a newspaper or blog, but a crowd-sourced online presence named Yelp. In 2014, Yelp’s highest rated restaurant in these United States was a hole-in-the wall takeout eatery with the pedestrian name Da Poké Shack. Reflective of the “every man and woman”…