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El Cotorro – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

There’s a scene in the 2006 lucha libre (Mexican professional wrestling) comedy film Nacho Libre in which Nacho’s ectomorphic tag team partner Esqueleto (“the skeleton”) orders two grilled, buttered and chile-dusted elotes (corn-on-the-cob) from a street vendor. Esqueleto graciously attempts to hand one to Nacho who rebuffs the offer, knocks the elotes to the ground and bellows “get that corn out of my face!” That antagonistic act so enraged Esqueleto that he leaped on Nacho’s back and attempted to throw his corpulent partner to the ground. The sight of the two golden elotes tinged with red chile on the ground…

AlbuquerqueAmericanBetter Call SaulBreakfastNew Mexico Culinary Treasures TrailRating: Very GoodTravel Channel Eats New Mexico

K&I Diner – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno1:30 AM

In 1960, Albuquerque’s population reached 201,189, more than doubling the city’s tally from the 1950 census. The start of a new decade began an era of expansion, a construction boom in which the burgeoning city began experiencing unprecedented growth. A proliferation of shopping centers was built to serve new neighborhoods. Albuquerque was not yet overrun by horrendous, copycat chain restaurants.  Family owned and operated mom-and-pop dining establishments–like the K&I Diner–were (and still are) your best bet for a great meal. 1960 (March 2nd to be exact) was also the year in which Irene Warner opened Grandma’s K&I Diner (named for…

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Ale’s Cakes – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Hypocrisy thy name is Gil. “For someone who whined so much about a one-hour (each way) commute to work, you’re willing to drive a hundred miles for lunch” my Kim lamented.  Our lunch destination wasn’t nearly a hundred miles away, but when you’re hungry it probably seems that way.  It would have seemed even further had we traversed the entirety of the street in which our intended restaurant is located. In fact, from its starting point to its terminus, that drive would truly have seemed interminable through all its winding and congested permutations. The street of which I speak is…

AlbuquerqueNew MexicoRating: Very GoodSandwich

Relish Gourmet Sandwiches – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno2:34 AM

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steve Jobs, Eddie Murphy, Jessie Jackson, entire NBA rosters.  Often missing from scandal sheets outing male celebrities who have fathered love children is the name of one Dagwood Bumstead.  From all outward appearances, Bumstead is an average white collar employee and loving family man with a penchant for taking naps, luxuriating in a bubble bath and constructing and consuming tall, multi-layered, poly-ingredient sandwiches of gravity defying height topped with an olive on a toothpick.  Appearances can be deceiving.  You’re reading it here first.  Dagwood Bumstead’s illegitimate son is (brace yourself) Norville “Shaggy” Rogers, a lanky would-be hipster who…

AlbuquerqueAsianNew MexicoRamenRating: Good

Fun Noodle Bar – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno6:05 PM

By definition, many, if not most noodles are fun.  No, not fun as in luxuriating in a tub filled with ramen (albeit non-edible, synthetic noodles) with real tonkatsu (pork bone) broth.  Yeah, that really is a thing in Japan.  Nor does my contention that noodles are fun have anything to do with the Simpsons episode in which Bart was threatened with “forty whacks with a wet noodle.”  It doesn’t even have anything to do with the Beach Boys classic “Fun, Fun, Fun” song.  It especially has nothing to do with those buoyant polyethylene foam “noodle” tubes people bring to swimming…

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Taqueria Los Amigos – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

“On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air” ~Hotel California, The Eagles in 1977, when the Eagles’ immortal rock anthem Hotel California was released as a single, most radio hits clocked in at about three minutes.  Three minutes is just about as long as Hotel California’s hauntingly compelling intro and the legendary guitar-duet-slash-duel-slash-musical-conversation between Don Felder’s double-necked Gibson EDS-1275 and Joe Walsh’s Fender Telecaster. The high voltage, era-defining song with its intensely intricate instrumental work, soaring harmonies and enthralling lyrics make Hotel California an iconic indictment of the dark…

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Thai Street – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

By chronological standards, Thai cuisine–especially as we know it today–is relatively new to the world culinary stage.  Culinary historians believe Thai cuisine may be as young as 1,400 years, coinciding with a mass migration of people from regions of China.  These settlers dined mostly on seafood, herbs and plants prepared mostly by stewing, baking and grilling (over time, stir-frying and deep-frying also became popular).  Large domestic animals such as water buffalo and oxen were too valuable to slaughter for food.  As such, meat was used very sparingly though considering the settlers’ propensity for seasoning, a small amount of meat went…

AlbuquerqueBreakfastDog FriendlyNew MexicanNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

ABQ Burrito – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Perhaps the only good thing that came from the Cabrona Virus was that many of us get to work from home.  Otherwise, the cost of commuting to work in this “build back better” economy would probably approach our meager wages.  Though not commuting to work spares us from cashing in our 4.1Ks in order to purchase fuel for our gas guzzlers, there are still times when we have to drive somewhere.  Like when we have to visit Albertson’s or Smith’s to scour the half-empty shelves for luxury items such as baby formula.   With “Putin’s inflation” making gas virtually unaffordable,…

AmericanBakeryBernalilloBreakfastDog FriendlyNew MexicanNew MexicoRating: Very Good

The Range – Bernalillo, New Mexico

Gil Garduno2:43 AM

The phoenix of ancient Egyptian mythology was a sacred firebird of beautiful red and gold plumage said to live for centuries. At the end of its life, the phoenix built itself a nest of cinnamon twigs which it then ignited. Both the phoenix and the nest burned fiercely and were reduced to ashes from which a new phoenix arose. Similarly, the Range Cafe in Bernalillo was claimed by a fiery conflagration only to rise up from the ashes to exceed its former glory to become one of the most popular restaurants in New Mexico. Like the phoenix, the Range is…

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TIKKA HUT PIZZERIA AND KABOB HOUSE – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

“I’ll give you three guesses to tell me what tabula rasa means,” I challenged my friend and Wordle phenom Carlos.  “That’s easy,” my erudite amigo proclaimed, “Tabula Rasa was a silent screen actress in the 1920s.”  “Close,” I replied, “but you’re thinking about Tallulah Bankhead.”  “I was just kidding,” he demurred, “Everyone knows tabula rasa is a Mediterranean salad.”  “You’re getting closer,” I joked, “but the Mediterranean salad you’re thinking about is tabouli.”  On his third attempt, Carlos gave me the right answer: “I’m drawing a blank.” Tabula rasa, in fact, translates from Latin to “blank slate.” In psychology as…

AlbuquerqueChickenFood TruckNew MexicoRating: Excellent

Wing It Up – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Bizarre Foods host Andrew Zimmern has nothing on my friend Ralph Guariglio. Zimmern who claims to love such “exotic cuisine” as fermented walrus anus probably wouldn’t touch some of the…er, interesting foods Ralph enjoyed during his travels for Intel.  That’s especially true when Ralph traveled  to Vietnam and The Philippines, all the while chronicling his adventures in “Captain Ralphie’s Travelogue.”  Though most of us envied his peregrinations, few of us would have had the gastronomical fortitude to try such “delicacies” as beating cobra heart and live lobster (yes, still alive…and thrashing). Much as Ralph loves adventurous dining, his passion and…