Toltec Brewing Co. – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Vincent: And you know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Jules: They don’t call it a Quarter Pounder with Cheese? Vincent: No, they got the metric system there, they wouldn’t know what the #%*&! a Quarter Pounder is. Jules: What’d they call it? Vincent: They call it Royale with cheese. Jules: Royale with Cheese. What’d they call a Big Mac? Vincent: Big Mac’s a Big Mac, but they call it Le Big Mac. ~Pulp Fiction 265 “f-bombs,” copious racist slurs, torrents of extreme language and some of the most weighty dialogue ever spoken in an American movie. That was Quentin Tarantino’s 1994 apotheosis Pulp Fiction, a low-brow pastiche the cognoscenti consider one of the most quotable…

Mac’s Steak in the Rough – Albuquerque, New Mexico

In Mark 6:4, Jesus instructs his disciples that “a prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.” Theologists and Bible scholars have translated this to mean “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his relatives and his own family.” While certainly not as venerated as prophets, this verse could also apply to some of our local restaurants. If ever you’ve heard a disparaging word about one of our local restaurant institutions, you’ll know of what I speak. Think of all the times you’ve heard such august Duke City institutions as Lotaburger and Mac’s Steak in the Rough disparaged by locals who didn’t grow up with…

The Safari Grill – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

“The wild dogs cry out in the night As they grow restless longing for some solitary company I know that I must do what’s right Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become.” ~ Africa by Toto Shrouded in mist and steeped in myth and mystery, Mount Kilimanjaro attracts visitors from all over the world. Often called “the roof of Africa,” the towering, snow-capped, conically-shaped mountain is the crown jewel of the United Republic of Tanzania. At 19,340 feet, the magnificent freestanding peak commands the skies, looming over the plains of the bushveld savannah like a majestic sovereign keeping vigilant watch over her people. Majestic…

Hurricane’s Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico

“What is it with you New Mexicans and your fascination for natural disasters?” my Maryland transplanted friend Jessie Miller once asked me. When I inquired as to what he was talking about, he elaborated that two of his favorite Duke City restaurants are named for natural disasters. “Natural disasters,” I asked. “I don’t know of any restaurants named “Forest Fire” or “Drought,” the only New Mexico occurring natural disasters that came immediately to mind. He laughed, “what’s ironic about the restaurants I have in mind is that they’re named for hurricanes and twisters, two natural disasters that don’t occur in Albuquerque.” I reminded him that our ubiquitous spring dust devils are, by definition, twisters. “Yeah, but you sure don’t have…

Caveman Burgers – Albuquerque, New Mexico

“It’s so easy, even a caveman can…find it.” The Geico commercial depicting metrosexualized troglodytes living in contemporary America came to mind when I couldn’t find CaveMan Burgers on Central Avenue. While your typical caveman about town would probably have googled the restaurant’s address, this homo-dumbassicus took for granted that when KRQE reported CaveMan Burgers was “on Central near Coors,” it was in immediate proximity to Coors, not blocks away. I also took for granted that there would be clear signage, if not a prominent storefront, pointing out exactly where this primitive-themed purveyor of prodigious burgers is located. Thankfully serendipity won out where poor planning failed and I located CaveMan Burgers while stopped at a small strip mall parking lot to…

Burque’s Burgers & Dawgs – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

A 2016 quality of life survey conducted by the city of Albuquerque revealed that denizens of the Duke City are split pretty much down the middle when it comes to the nickname “Burque” (which, by the way, is NOT pronounced “burr-key” though you’ll be forgiven if you can’t roll your r’s).  28-percent of respondents viewed the sobriquet favorably while 28-percent had an unfavorable impression and 35% were neutral.  Residents of the Northeast Heights viewed the nickname less favorably than did dwellers of North Valley, downtown, west side and UNM areas. The survey did not address former Mayor Marty Chavez’s 2007 branding efforts to replace Burque with a more generic city nickname, “The Q.” In response to Mayor Chavez’s perceived folly,…

The Owl Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Shortly before 6AM. on July 16, 1945, some of the world’s most brilliant minds ushered in the nuclear age with the detonation of the first atomic bomb, an occasion which later prompted Los Alamos Laboratory head J. Robert Oppenheimer to declare “Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.” The transformative event occurred in a dry, desolate locale approximately 35 miles from bucolic San Antonio, New Mexico, the gateway to the Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge. The scientists who developed the top-secret bomb had been staying nearby in cabins rented from J.E. Miera, proprietor of Miera’s Owl Bar and Cafe. Posing as “prospectors,” the scientists frequented Miera’s for enthusiastic card games, cold beer and grilled cheeseburgers. In time,…

Duke City Kitchen – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

In the 1970s and 1980s,  Reese’s Peanut Butter cups commercials consisted of a series of vignettes.  Each vignette depicted the collision of two daydreamers–one eating peanut butter and the other eating chocolate.  The peanut butter eater would exclaim “you got chocolate on my peanut butter.”  The one eating chocolate would retort “you got peanut butter on my chocolate.”  The two would then sample the mix of chocolate and peanut butter and burst out in wide-eyed surprise with “Delicious!”  A godlike narrator would then proclaim “Two great tastes that taste great together.” Reese’s has nothing on restaurant impresario Doug Weckerly, chef and proprietor of the Duke City Kitchen on Lomas just west of San Mateo.  Peruse his menu and you might get…

Chef Toddzilla’s Gourmet Burgers – Roswell, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Roswell, New Mexico is a stodgy conservative town where sidewalks are rolled up early. Change comes to the state’s fifth largest city as slowly as the twangy, lazy cadence of a Texas drawl. So does embracing opportunity. Consider the so-called Roswell Incident of 1947. It took 55 years before Roswell opened its UFO museum and another three years before its first UFO Festival. Because Roswell is such an anachronism, you might think a tatted-up chef with a dystopian haircut would stick out like a sore thumb. Ask anyone who’s experienced that chef’s gourmet burgers and amiable manner and they’ll tell Chef Todd Alexander doesn’t stick out, he stands out. So does his effervescent partner in business and in life Kerry…

Grill A-Burger – Palm Desert, California

California may not have invented the hamburger, but a strong case could be made that no state has and continues to evolve what is arguably America’s most sacrosanct food.  With more than 6,000 burger restaurants, California has more eateries dedicated to the sacrosanct burger than any other state.  That’s only fitting considering the Golden State also gave us McDonald’s, Jack In The Box, In-N-Out and the “Impossible Burger,” a burger made with a plant-based meat substitute.  The first half of the 20th century introduced the designation “California Burger” in recognition of burgers topped with lettuce, onion and tomato, the fresh produce grown year-round in the Golden State. In 1924, one of the most significant and lasting innovations to the burger occurred in Pasadena…

Burger 21 – Albuquerque, New Mexico

“When people pile seven things onto one burger, it drives me nuts!” ~Bobby Flay Burger meals at the Garduño home are always an interesting dichotomy, some might say a clash of opposing ideals and styles.  For my Kim, a burger is about the meat to bun ratio ameliorated by a minimum of tried and true ingredients, usually just lettuce, relish and mustard (yawn).  For her mad scientist of a husband, meat and buns are tabula rasa, merely starting points for experimentation with sundry ingredient combinations.  Over the years I’ve become rather adept at figuring out what ingredients work well together to create burgers that please my pedantic palate, titillate my tongue and arouse my olfactory senses.  Until I become bored…