AlbuquerqueAsianNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Vietnamese

Bamboo by Kulantro – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno10:32 AM

Hawaiian pizza, black licorice, blue cheese, anchovies, candy corn, cilantro…these are among the pantheon of foods Readers Digest says everyone either loves or hates. And by “everyone,” Readers Digest includes such culinary glitterati as Julia Child who expressed her loathing for for cilantro in a 2002 interview with Larry King.   The towering chef  proclaimed she detested cilantro, saying it has a “dead taste” to her.  Food Network personality Ina Gartner is even more blatant:  “I just hate it,” she related in a Munchie’s podcast.  “To me, it’s so strong and it actually tastes like soap to me, but it’s so strong it overpowers every other flavor.” Why then do some people have such a profound cattiness toward cilantro? According to a genetic survey by researchers at Cornell University, there’s a very specific gene that makes some people strongly dislike the taste of cilantro. Scientists surveyed nearly 30,000 people before singling out the offending gene as the OR6A2 gene. According to Kitchn, this gene “codes for the receptor that picks up the scent of aldehyde chemicals” — these chemicals are found in cilantro and soap. Is it any wonder so many people anecdotally say cilantro tastes like soap? If you’re…

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The Local Brewhouse – Rio Rancho, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Before reading any further, the biggest take-away from this review is that the Local Brewhouse serves the best burger in Rio Rancho.  That’s not only what the marquee says.  It’s what City of Vision diners know.  My Kim and I, too.   “Service is horrible”  “The management has to train there employees.”  “Worst service ever! I can’t stress on how bad the service was.”  “Nice views. Lousy service and rude staff.”  “Service sucks. Waited 20mins between beers.”   Those are one-star reviews on Yelp for The Local Brewhouse in Rio Rancho.  At the extreme opposite are five star reviews extolling the service some Yelp reviewers found unacceptable: “Shout out to Rhiannon, our server for friendly, prompt, and efficient service.”  “Had a big gathering and they could not have been more accommodating! Super friendly.”  “The service is the best in the state.”  “5 stars all the way. Great service. Great food. Great beer.” For better or worse, many of us–90% according to Infographics read online reviews before visiting a business and 88% of us trust  those online reviews.  Our quandary as consumers is learning to filter the outliers–the reviewers who accord one-star ratings on Yelp and TripAdvisor for the very same things…

Dog FriendlyMexicanNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Rio RanchoTacos

Tap N Taco – Rio Rancho, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Imagine Marty McPlata, a 17 year old Rio Rancho High School student who gets transported back in time seven years to 2015. With the help of his mad scientist friend Bill Resnikoff, he makes his way back to the future to the year from which he left–2022.  Significant changes and burgeoning growth have transpired in the City of Vision since he left.  Among one of the improvements by subtraction is the absence of one of the city’s three Burger King restaurants, a multi-national chain he drove past only because it was on the way to Corrales. Marty smiled at the thought that Burger King’s incredibly creepy, big-headed mascot may finally driven away all of the “home of the Whopper’s” customers.  That realization hit Burger King CFO Josh Kobza in 2011: “We got rid of the creepy king character that tended to scare away women and children.”  Gone, Marty thought, are the gold and red colors of Burger King’s logo, ironically the same colors used by McDonald’s.  Gone, too, is the empty parking lot.  On some days only the drive-up window seemed to have customers. While the iconic, standardized shape of the familiar Burger King restaurant remains, the building is now…

AlbuquerqueChickenMexicanNew MexicoRating: Very Good

El Rey Del Pollo – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno10:29 AM

My environmentally-conscious, Prius-driving friend Bruce “Sr. Plata” Silver has a much smaller carbon footprint than that carbon credit-trading hypocrite Al Gore.  No environmental activist would ever condemn Sr. Plata for fouling the air and water with a large amount of greenhouse gas emissions. Instead, he leaves large “al carbon fingerprints,” the finger-licking kind you get from frequenting restaurants which specialize in pollo al carbon, chicken prepared over charcoal. Pollo al carbon has spoiled Sr. Plata. He craves those juicy, spatchcocked, golden-skinned birds speckled with black char, chicken so meaty and delicious it makes store-bought rotisserie chickens look positively anorexic in comparison. Who can blame Sr. Plata?  Made well, pollo al carbon is absolutely addictive. “Finger-licking good” might be a cliche, but there’s truth to this one particular cliche as it applies to al carbon. Over the years, Albuquerque’s Mexican restaurants haven’t exactly been beacons of light pointing the way for seekers of pollo al carbon to sate their maws with full repast.  Certainly not like Sr. Plata’s birthplace of Los Angeles where you can’t toss the leg bone of a chicken without hitting another poultry place.  During our culinary excursions, Sr. Plata and I thought we had discovered the motherlode…

ItalianRating: OutstandingRio Rancho

JOE’S PASTA HOUSE – Rio Rancho, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

Once a year, despite my protestations and whining, I agree to take my Kim to the Olive Garden. It’s a deal we have, albeit one that makes me feel like Faust in the Christopher Marlowe play. Faust, for the non-English majors among you, was a scholar who sells his soul to the devil in exchange for unlimited knowledge and worldly pleasures. In my case, the deal is a visit to Olive Garden once a year in exchange for all the strange and exotic restaurants I want to visit the rest of the year. I sure got the rotten end of that deal. On a list of things I’d rather do, my annual visit to the Olive Garden for a meal of cheese glop or tomato torture ranks somewhere below visiting a proctologist or watching The View. Kim likes the salad and bread sticks and I suspect derives a bit of sadistic satisfaction in hearing me mutter polysyllabic epithets about the “Evil Garden’s” food. The cultural anthropologist in me finds it both amusing and tragic that teeming masses congregate for pathetic pasta, mediocre marinara and boring bread sticks. It makes me long for a visit to Joe’s Pasta house in Rio…

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Kickstand Cafe – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

In 2016, The Plough Hotel in North Canterbury, New Zealand banned Lycra-clad customers in an attempt to remove any “unsightly bumps and bulges.”  The hotel owner declared Lycra “unsuitable,” explaining “We get a nice group of customers out here, some elderly folk. When you’re trying to concentrate on your breakfast you just want to see the sausages on your plate.” Then as if expecting a confrontation from the lumpy, bumpy bikers, he issued a challenge: “If there’s hordes of cyclists outside threatening to bash us with their bike pumps we can always barricade ourselves in, we’ve got a bit of food and drink here so we should be able to outlast them.” Lycra bike wear may not be de rigueur at Albuquerque’s Kickstand Cafe, but you just might feel overdressed if you didn’t squeeze into the form-fitting attire for a visit to the Alameda cafe.  And surprise, surprise, “elderly folk” whom the prudish New Zealand hotel owner tried to shield from “sausages” and other shapes and contours that leave little to the imagination were well represented among the guests wearing second-skin-apparel.  It didn’t appear any guests perceived bike shorts to be ribald regalia.  Nor did we notice any ogling or lusty…

New MexicoPizzaRating: ExcellentRio Rancho

Davido’s Pizza – Rio Rancho, New Mexico

Gil Garduno3:42 AM

Some might call the American Realty and Petroleum Company (AMREP for short) a pioneering visionary for its early 1960s purchase of over 50,000 acres on the dusty Sandoval County plains that are now Rio Rancho. Others use different–and not necessarily as complimentary–adjectives to describe the land speculator whose clever marketing attracted hundreds of New Yorkers (among others) to the then untamed western fringes overlooking the Rio Grande. They came because Rio Rancho was a “lucrative investment” with half acre lots going for under $800 in the 1960s. They came because Rio Rancho offered “fishing, camping, swimming and golfing in a place where the sun shone 360 days a year.” They came to live in an area which sloped “among the greenest, most fertile valleys in the world.” Middle income retirees from New York initially made up a significant percentage of Rio Rancho’s population, earning the community the sobriquet “Little New York.” The nickname is still bandied about even though Rio Rancho’s population is comprised of people from all over the country. In its first decade, the fledgling newcomer became the sixth largest city in New Mexico and by 1990, the census indicated the city had grown to more than 32,000…

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Al Alwan’s Cafe – Albuquerque New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

“I hope I live long enough to see the children of Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria wake up to the sounds of birds not bombs.” ~Gigi Hadid Historians believe the name Syria derives from the Ancient Greek word “Seirios,” meaning, “sun-bright, glowing, blazing, and shining.” In Latin the equivalent term “Sirius” was used not only to denote the brightest star in the night sky and most prominent star in the constellation Canis Major (the greater dog), but to indicate “people from Syria.”  Officially today, Syria is known as the Syrian Arab Republic.  Lying in the east coast of the Mediterranean in the Middle East region which boasts of the most ancient civilizations in the world, Syria has historically existed in a cauldron of instability wrought by uprisings, conflicts and wars. Having been conquered by  Arabs, Persians and Ottoman Turks as well as having been a hub on the old Spice Road, Syria boasts of an ever-evolving cuisine that is an amalgamation of various culinary cultures and styles. Some of Syria’s traditional dishes are peppery, some colorful and some not so much. One commonality of all Syrian foods is exquisite flavors that will leave you wanting more. Alas, because of the…

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Cafe Nom Nom – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

NOTE:  Cafe Nom Nom no longer operates out of the Boxing Bear Brewery.  The Nom Nom Facebook page seems to indicate it now operates out of a food truck, but no information is provided as to days in which it is available to diners. “Nom nom.” It sounds innocent enough. Parents–yes, including parents of four-legged fur babies–utter it in baby talk intonations to get our children to eat something, especially when that something is “good for them” but doesn’t actually look or taste good. Nom nom was, of course, the favorite expression of Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster as he ravenously devoured a plate or six of cookies, a fusillade of crumbs flying from his chewing mouth. Grade school teachers use nom nom as an example of an onomatopoeia, a word that imitates a sound. My friend Michael Gonzales, the dynamic owner of Rio Rancho’s Cafe Bella uses it to describe great new restaurant finds. English majors recognize it as an expression used to convey pleasure at eating or at the prospect of eating. It’s also a verb meaning “to eat something, typically with great enjoyment.” See anything wrong with the term nom nom? Though it may never grace Gil’s Thrilling……

AlbuquerqueNew MexicanNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Vegetarian/Vegan

Vegos Vegan New Mexican – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

“Well, there’s not a taco big enough for a man like me That’s why I order two or three Let me give you a tip, just try a nacho chip It’s really good with bean dip. I eat uno, dos, tres, quatro burritos Pretty soon I can’t fit in my Speedos Well, I hope they feed us lots of chicken fajitas And a pitcher of margaritas.” ~ Weird Al Yankovic: Taco Grande Growing up in agrarian Northern New Mexico where we grew and consumed the bounty of our gardens was the closest I’ve ever been to a vegetarian or vegan diet.  In addition to the beans, pumpkins, corn, carrots, lettuce, apples, pears and strawberries we grew on our farm, my mom prepared quelites (lambs quarters) and verdolagas (purslane), both of which grew wild on our property.  Neither I nor any of my brothers and sisters liked these “good for you” “weeds” which we were sure were disgusting medicine in disguise.  My parents and grandparents ate quelites and verdolagas like they were made out of chocolate. With such healthful, vegetable-rich diets, you’d think Norteños would be svelte paragons of dietary restraint.  Alas, many of us are the size of sumo wrestlers…

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Down N Dirty Seafood Boil – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno11:19 AM

Seafood boil in the Duke City! If the notion conjures visions of heading to Tingley Beach and embarking on an unappetizing repast of catfish, rainbow trout and silvery minnows boiled together in a large pot of green chile seasoned broth, you’re in for a treat. As of September, 2013, it’s possible for expatriates from any of America’s coastal regions to indulge in authentic seafood boil…and it’s very good.  So good, in fact, that since its launch, copycat restaurants have spawned throughout the Duke City. Down N Dirty Seafood Boil was the first–often duplicated but never replicated.   Albuquerque’s very first seafood boil restaurant launched to very little fanfare. The event should have been celebrated with ceremonial splendor and rejoicing. Think about it. Among the dozens of restaurant openings in the Duke City every year, very few actually serve an untapped market. Even fewer fill a real niche and offer a product unique to the marketplace, something that can’t be found anywhere else in the area. Expats who’ve lived along coastal waters know of what I speak. As they read this, they may even be experiencing involuntary salivation at their memories of seafood boils in their past and the prospect of…