Category: Rating: N/R (Not Rated)

AlbuquerqueDog FriendlyNew MexicoPizzaRating: N/R (Not Rated)

PK’s Restaurant & Bar – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno5:41 PM

When the Air Force notified me I was being reassigned to Royal Air Force (RAF) Fairford, friends who had been stationed in England warned me, “you can forget all about your favorite sports for three years. Instead of football, basketball and baseball, the only “sports” televised in England are snooker, darts and soccer.” “Snooker?,” I asked. “Isn’t that a mushy term of endearment similar to darling?” “No,” one responded, “that’s snookums. Snooker is a type of billiards game, but not nearly as exciting.” “Darts?” “Yep, there are competitive darts leagues all over England and their matches are televised.” “Well, at least soccer has been called the beautiful game, so I’ll probably become a soccer fan,” I retorted. To paraphrase Rodney Dangerfield, I went to a fight and a soccer game broke out. My live introduction to the beautiful game may actually have demonstrated the fluidity and constancy of motion for which soccer is known. There probably were displays of physics-defying, ball-bending skills brilliantly executed by lithe athletes. Perhaps there were even exhibitions of raw, naked power. I missed it all. Back then, when you attended a “football” game in England, you risked life and limb. Soccer hooligans were the scourge…

AmericanCaliforniaDog FriendlyFine DiningRating: N/R (Not Rated)United States

Spencer’s Restaurant – Palm Springs, California

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

  Dean Beck: What do you have against preachers? Clay Spencer: It’s what they preach against I’m against. Dean Beck: I’m afraid I don’t understand? Clay Spencer: They’re against everything I’m for. They don’t allow drinkin’ or smokin’, card playin’, pool shootin’, dancin’, cussin’ – or huggin’, kissin’ and lovin’. And mister, I’m for all of them things. ~Spencer’s Mountain In the family-centric 1963 movie Spencer’s Mountain, hard-drinkin’, hard-lovin’ Clay Spencer (brilliantly portrayed by Henry Fonda) dreamed of building his wife Olivia (the stunning Maureen O’Hara) a beautiful home on a piece of land he inherited on Spencer’s Mountain. My dream was a bit less ambitious. My dream was to take my Kim to Spencer’s Restaurant at the Mountain, “one of the all-time great restaurants in the city” according to The Infatuation, an online recommendation service. To be named an “all-time great” bespeaks of Spencer’s longevity and to the sustained love the Palm Springs dining public has for this treasure set in the historic Palm Springs Tennis Club area at the base of the San Jacinto Mountains just a few blocks west of downtown Palm Springs. Named after the owner’s dog (an award-winning 110-pound Siberian husky), it stands to reason…

AmericanBreakfastBrunchCaliforniaDog FriendlyRating: N/R (Not Rated)United States

Cheeky’s – Palm Springs, California

Gil Garduno9:55 AM

Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw is widely credited with the aphorism “England and the United States are two nations divided by a common language.” My Kim and I had no idea just how different the Queen’s English is from the English spoken by the colonists until we were assigned to Royal Air Force Fairford. As part of the newcomers orientation, we were required to attend a course in which those vast differences were explained. Many of those differences were rather comedic, but we were warned, “if Yanks aren’t careful, we could perpetuate the dreaded “ugly American” stereotype widely held in some parts of Europe.” We learned, for example, that if an American serviceman walks up to an English lady and introduces himself with “Hi, I’m Randy,” he’s likely to get slapped in the face. Randy has an entirely different connotation in England where it means “frisky.” Similarly, we were instructed that if we were to hear an English citizen declare “I’m going to suck on a fag,” we shouldn’t take offense or feign being shocked. It actually means he or she is going to smoke a cigarette. For us, the term “shag” described a cheesy carpet found in the back…

AmericanArizonaBreakfastRating: N/R (Not Rated)United States

Butters Pancakes & Cafe – Scottsdale, Arizona

Gil Garduno8:32 PM

“Spread your tiny wings and fly away And take the snow back with you Where it came from on that day So, little snowbird take me with you when you go To the land of gentle breezes where the peaceful waters flow.” ~ Anne Murray Every autumn, gaggles of geese, flocks of ducks, kettles of hawks and constructions of cranes begin their long, arduous migration from the continent’s northern regions to warmer climes in the South. They fly in formation to more idyllic and much warmer locales such as the Bosque del Apache in New Mexico. Similarly, large numbers of pasty-skinned human migrants from Canada and the northern tier of the fruited plains leave behind the rigors of snow shoveling, sub-zero temperatures, dark winter nights and bitterly disappointing fall television schedules. They journey by every motorized conveyance known to man to the southern United States and Mexico, toting their golf clubs, swimming trunks, SPF-400 suntan oil and bags of money. In polite company, we call these heat-seeking seasonal migrants “snowbirds.” Many of them, especially the blonde ones of the XX chromosome pairing, seem to favor Scottsdale, Arizona. We had thought the concept of snowbirds applied solely to migratory avian and…

AlbuquerqueAsianChineseDog FriendlyNational ChainNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

P.F. Chang’s China Bistro – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno10:41 AM

“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery – celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from – it’s where you take them to.” ~ Jim Jarmusch American Film Director I discovered that pithy pearl shortly after a recent email exchange with Gil’s thrilling pollmeister (my spellchecker still insists on “poltergeist”) Bob of the Village of Los Ranchos. We were deliberating whether to ask if you believe New Mexico’s talented chefs “invent” new dishes or if the cuisine found across the Land of Enchantment is primarily dishes that have been copied from recipes by chefs in other cities. Rather than declaring “nothing is original” as the only possible answer to the proposed poll question, Jim Jarmusch’s sapient quote prompted even more questions such as: Is adding red or green chile to a non-New Mexican recipe inventing something original? Isn’t any variation to an existing…

JapaneseNew MexicoRamenRating: N/R (Not Rated)Rio RanchoSushi

Nori Ramen & Sushi Bar – Rio Rancho, New Mexico

Gil Garduno10:29 PM

From our home in northeast Rio Rancho, it’s about thirteen miles to the Nori Ramen & Sushi Bar on Southern Boulevard. It would have been safer to run with the bulls at Pampalona than it was driving the half hour it took me to get to Nori. In those thirty minutes, an impatient tailgater blasted her horn at me for having the audacity to come to a complete stop at a stop sign in our subdivision. As she roared passed me on a 25 miles-per-hour street, she contemptuously extended her middle finger out the window (in the same way drivers espying the Dallas Cowboys plate on my car acknowledge the Cowboys are number one). Once on Highway 528, I witnessed drivers running red lights, exceeding the speed limit by at least warp five, turning from the wrong lane and not using turn signals (even though the season of lights is approaching). “Phew,” I thought “at least we don’t live in any of the other 48 states whose drivers are more impolite.” Yep, you read that correctly. A June, 2017 survey conducted by Kars4Kids ranked New Mexico as the second-most polite state in which to drive. At this point you’re probably…

AlbuquerqueFood TruckMiddle EasternNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

Gourmet Döner Kebab – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

In my review of Taco Fundacion, I explained that some pundits believe the taco is poised to become the most ubiquitous and popular dish in the fruited plain, supplanting the fruited plain’s sacrosanct burger. While conquering the culinary affections of a country would be a huge accomplishment, one particular type of sandwich (loosely defined) has conquered an entire continent. Europe is absolutely crazy for kebabs! From the Iberian Peninsula to the Caucasus region, the döner kebab has become the world’s most popular spit-grilled meat. We witnessed some of its popularity first-hand when we lived in England where döner kebabs are considered an icon of urban food culture. They’re even served in centuries-old pubs alongside a pint (or six) of beer and the sacrosanct British chips. Döner kebabs are even more popular in Germany which is now considered the kebab capital of the world. Easily the most popular street food in Germany, döner kebabs by far exceed the popularity of the sausage, long a German source of historical and cultural pride. According to Thrillist, as of 2014, there were some 17,000 kebab slingers in Germany and more kebab stands than McDonald’s and Burger King combined. Aside from vegans, vegetarians and calorie…

AlbuquerqueAsianClosed in 2024Gone But Not ForgottenNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)SushiThai

Fareast Fuzion – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

A Journal of Consumer Research study published in 2012 revealed that consumers equate eating meat with their concept of masculinity. To the dismay of spinach-lovers like Popeye, respondents indicated meat has a more masculine quality than vegetables. Study participants considered male carnivores to be more masculine than their vegetarian counterparts (ostensibly Bill Clinton was more masculine when he scarfed up Big Macs than he is now that he’s a vegetarian). “To the strong, traditional, macho, bicep-flexing, all-American male, red meat is a strong, traditional, macho, bicep-flexing, All-American food,” wrote the researchers. “Soy is not. To eat it, they would have to give up a food they saw as strong and powerful like themselves for a food they saw as weak and wimpy.” Researchers acknowledged that with a diet rich in manly meats, equally manly health conditions such as heart attacks are inevitable. So, if we shouldn’t eat meat, what should we paragons of masculinity eat? Certainly not quiche or kale! Bruce Feirstein told us in 1982 that “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche.” Sure, that title was a tongue-in-cheek satire of masculine stereotypes, but could there be a grain of truth there somewhere? More recently, an author who goes by the…

Ice CreamNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Santa Fe

La Lecheria New Mexico Craft Ice Cream – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gil Garduno3:21 PM

Joey: What are you talking about? “One woman. That’s like saying there’s only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There’s lots of flavors out there. There’s Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing Cherry Vanilla. You could get ’em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! Ross: I honestly don’t know if I’m hungry or horny. Chandler: Then stay out of my freezer. In that episode of Friends, Joey Tribbiani obviously considered the concept of one woman “monotony, not monogamy.” While the most uxorious among us might not be able to relate to the concept of polygamy, we can certainly relate to the nightmarish prospect of going through life partaking solely of one ice cream flavor–even if it’s a flavor we love. How boring would that be? There was a time, not too very long ago, in fact, in which three ice cream flavors–vanilla, chocolate and strawberry–dominated the market. That might explain why even today when dairy diversity reigns, vanilla remains the most popular flavor of ice…

AmericanDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Santa Fe

TerraCotta Wine Bistro – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gil Garduno12:01 AM

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” ~Benjamin Franklin In the 1960s, denizens of the fruited plain weren’t nearly as savvy about the fruit of the vin as they are today. Impressionable youth who tuned in every Sunday for Championship Wrestling from Albuquerque’s Civic Auditorium, for example, had the impression from Roma Wine commercials that all wine was served in large jugs. It really wasn’t far from the truth. Back then, a significant portion of wine production across the fruited plain was indeed destined for a jug. Another high percentage of wine would earn the ignominious distinction of being called “bum wine.” Sporting such brand names as Thunderbird, Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, bum wines were considered “bottom of the barrel.” Consumers (quite often dipsomaniacs or teenagers) often shielded their bum wine purchases from the “decent public” in brown paper bags. Fast forward five decades and America has become a nation of oenophiles—lovers and connoisseurs of wine–surpassing France as the world’s largest market for wine every year since 2013 (although on a per capita basis, the average French person still consumes about five times more wine than the average American).…

AmericanDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)Santa Fe

The Teahouse – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gil Garduno9:25 AM

When I suggested to my Kim that our next al-fresco culinary adventure with our dachshund Dude (he abides) should be at the Teahouse in Santa Fe, she shot a glance at me that seemed to suggest advanced mental deterioration had caught up with me. She reminded me that every time we had tea and scones on the banks of the River Windrush in Bourton on the Water (England), I guzzled my tea and tossed bits of my scones at hungry ducks floating on the water. “It was the only way,” I argued “to enjoy high tea without actually being high.” As with most men, the notion of high tea conjures images of women in frilly outfits and flowery hats sipping tea from cups much too small for our sausage fingers and eating finger sandwiches that wouldn’t feed a famished mosquito. It’s right out of a Jane Austen novel. Our XY chromosome pairing seems to have predisposed men to hate the idea of high tea. We’re just not civilized enough to enjoy it though perhaps if the tea house had a dozen large flat screen televisions tuned to the NFL game of the week, we’d certainly enjoy the experience more. Of…