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AmericanBurgersDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: Excellent

Black Bird Saloon – Los Cerrillos, New Mexico

Gil Garduno8:57 PM

On a journey by train to San Francisco, New Mexico’s legendary award-winning author Tony Hillerman shared an observation car with businessmen from the East. As the spectacular Zuni Buttes, majestic Mount Taylor, breathtaking mesas and skies resplendent with monsoon thunderclouds passed in review, his heart was lifted and his worries dissipated. He then overheard one of the Easterners remark to the other, “My God, why would anybody live out here?” Hillerman’s immediate (though unspoken) thought was, “My God, why wouldn’t everyone want to live out here?” As Hillerman’s experience clearly illustrates, one person’s “middle of nowhere” is another person’s idyllic paradise. Similarly, what some consider “nothing to do here” is the pace of life others spend their life pursuing. It’s a dichotomy of lifestyles not delineated by age or wealth, but by attitude and maturity. In my twenties, my perspective of Los Cerrillos, New Mexico would have been similar to that of the Easterners. Thirty years later, I echo Hillerman’s sentiment. It dawned on me as I lounged under the shady porch in front of the Black Bird Saloon, my debonair dachshund The Dude by my side, that there was nowhere on God’s beautiful Earth I’d rather be at that…

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Mykonos Cafe And Taverna – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno12:24 AM

Jose Villegas, my friend and colleague at Hanscom Air Force Base, earned the most ignominious nickname. Everyone called him “Jose Viernes” which fans of the 1960s television series Dragnet might recognize is the Spanish translation for “Joe Friday.” We didn’t call him Jose Viernes because he was a “just the facts” kind of guy. He earned that sobriquet because he lived for Fridays. Jose kept a perpetual calendar in his head, constantly reminding us that there are “only XXX days until Friday.” Quite naturally, his favorite expression was “TGIF” which he could be overheard exclaiming ad-infinitum when his favorite day of the week finally arrived. Conversely, for him (as it is for many Americans), Monday was the most dreaded way to spend one-seventh of his life, an accursed day that mercilessly ended his weekend. Aside from the temporary reprieve Friday provides from the grind of an arduous workweek, Jose’s anticipation about Fridays had everything to do with fun, friends, food and females. Mostly food…or so we thought. Jose was one of the first gourmets I ever met, a man with an educated palate and nuanced tastes (though for some reason, he disliked the foods of his native Puerto Rico). On…

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Casa Chimayo – Santa Fe, New Mexico

Gil Garduno9:12 AM

Chimayó is one of the most mythologized, misunderstood— and, some would say, maligned—places in New Mexico. On one hand, it holds a place in popular imagination as the Lourdes of America, a reference to the annual Good Friday pilgrimage to the Santuario de Chimayó, a nineteenth-century church. New Mexicans and visitors from afar also celebrate Chimayó’s weaving tradition, the potently flavorful chile grown there, and the local restaurant, where margaritas compete with the church’s holy dirt as a tourist draw. ~ Postcard From New Mexico: Don Usner’s Chimayo Named for the Tewa Indian word describing one of four sacred hills overlooking the verdant valley on the foothills of the Sangre De Cristos, Chimayó may be only 26 miles from Santa Fe and 52 miles from Taos, but in some ways seems further removed by time than by distance. While its aforementioned counterparts have transitioned to artsy and cosmopolitan service and tourism economies, Chimayó has had a harder time moving away from its pastoral-agricultural sustenance roots. Where Santa Fe and Taos may be imbued with rustic sophistication and urbane trappings, Chimayó moves at a slower pace. At the end of the day, neighbors still meet at the fence for some serious…

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528 Sushi & Asian Cuisine – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno7:03 PM

“No lady likes to snuggle and dine accompanied by a porcupine.” “He lit a match to check gas tank. They call him skinless Frank.” “A man, a miss, a car, a curve. He kissed the miss and missed the curve.” “Within this vale of toil and sin, your head goes bald but not your chin.” “Henry the Eighth sure had trouble. Short-term wives, long-term stubble.” Some of the more seasoned among us might remember that one of the best ways to break up the drudgery of traveling long distances on monotonous two-lane highways was to look for Burma Shave billboards. Humorous five-line poems adorned red signs one line at a time, each line in white capitalized blocked letters about 100-feet apart. The last line of each poem was the much anticipated punchline followed by a sign bearing the obligatory name of the then-popular shaving cream. New Mexico was one of a handful of states not to benefit from this highly visible and very successful advertising medium. Apparently our highways and byways were deemed to have insufficient road traffic to warrant the billboards. As a precocious child yet to revel in hours-long explorations of the family encyclopedias, my limited knowledge of…

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Farmhouse 21 – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno7:21 PM

I love Italian food but that’s too generic a term for what’s available now: you have to narrow it down to Tuscan, Sicilian, and so on.” ~ Lee Child, Author “You don’t want to be the guy who follows a legend; you want to be the guy who follows the guy who follows the legend.” That tried and proven sports adage applies in every walk-of-life. Indeed, if you’re the person who has to succeed a beloved living legend, you’ll invariably hear about the gigantic shoes you have to fill. Your every move will be scrutinized and your every failure magnified until you prove yourself worthy of breathing the same rarefied air as the icon you’re replacing. It’s not a challenge the faint-hearted should attempt and it will test the mettle of even the most accomplished. Confident people have another perspective on following a legend. They relish the challenge of living up to exceedingly high standards and fully expect to succeed. There’s no exit strategy for them…unless it’s to move on to a loftier challenge. They revel in the scrutiny, seeing it as another opportunity to prove themselves. Confident people aren’t reluctant to chart a different course, to do things just…

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Tap That – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno4:19 PM

In my review of the Corrales Bistro Brewery, you were introduced to “Le Cochon,” a self-professed God’s gift to women, lady killer, playboy, seducer, Lothario and otherwise philanderer nonpareil. To my knowledge, Le Cochon is still plying his cheesy pick-up lines on women and getting his face slapped a plenty in the Boston area. He would undoubtedly giggle like the school girls of his dreams at the Albuquerque taproom named “Tap That” which dispenses libations by the ounce. In its original context, the term “tap that” simply meant putting a spigot on a keg of beer or ale so that its contents can be drawn out. As with so many seemingly innocuous terms, chauvinists like Le Cochon have made “tap that” subject to double entendre (open to two interpretations, one of which is risqué or indecent). Cerevisaphiles understanding the intended connotation of the term probably won’t giggle, but they’ll get just as excited at the prospect of tapping into a keg or six. Shortly after finding a vacant table in the dog-friendly patio at the back of Tap That, an eager server began very enthusiastically to explain the taproom’s unique-to-Albuquerque concept. There was so much elan in his delivery that…

AlbuquerqueDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: Very Good

Tia B’s La Waffleria – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno5:02 PM

While waffles may be forever associated with late nights at The Waffle House (the ubiquitous Southern chain which has served nearly one billion waffles since its inception), waffles have made significant inroads as a bona fide culinary trend, albeit somewhat under-the-radar. That’s waffles singular…by themselves, not with chicken. The chicken and waffles combination is even more yesterday than kale and poutine. Gourmet waffles topped or stuffed with sundry, inventive ingredient combinations have inspired a sort of wafflemania across the fruited plain. No longer are fluffy and crispy waffles boringly predictable (smothered with butter and dripping with syrup) or strictly for breakfast. It’s often been noted that in New Mexico, trends–whether they be in fashion or in the culinary arena–move at the speed of mañana, a term which contrary to the Velasquez dictionary does not translate to “tomorrow” in the Land of Enchantment. It translates instead to “not today’ which means if something can be put off until tomorrow or later, it usually will be. George Adelo, Jr., an enterprising Pecos resident even coined (and copyrighted) a phrase to describe the New Mexican way: “Carpe Mañana”–Seize Tomorrow. When it comes to the burgeoning popularity and inventiveness of waffles, however, the Duke…

AlbuquerqueChineseNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

Rising Star Chinese Eatery – Albuquerque, New Mexico

Gil Garduno9:22 PM

Let’s get one thing straight. General Tso’s chicken is not some weird cold war Chinese one-upmanship response to Colonel Sanders’ Kentucky Fried Chicken. In other words, China did not deliberately seek to outdo the United States by creating a chicken dish and naming it for a General, a rank superior to the rank of Colonel. Not even close! Back in the early 50s, Colonel Harlan Sanders actually did create a revolutionary way of preparing poultry (pressure fried, eleven herbs and spices, yada, yada, yada). General Zuo Zongtang (romanized as Tso Tsung-t’ang), on the other hand, did not create the dish named for him. Nor did he ever eat it. In fact, he never even heard of it. It wasn’t even invented in China…or at least, not in mainland China. So, just who was General Tso and why does America love his chicken? General “Tso” was a war hero who expelled thousands of rebels from China during its fourteen year civil war. It could be said the rebels turned chicken and ran, but that’s about as close as the General ever got to the battered and sauced chicken dish bearing his name. If anything, you can credit another Chinese leader, the…

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South Bourbon Kitchen – Albuquerque, New Mexico (CLOSED)

Gil Garduno7:15 PM

“I got a plate of chicken and taters and a lot of stuff like that All, all I need is a biscuit, but I wish you’d look where they’re at I guess I could reach across the table but that’s ill-mannered, Mom always said I wish I had a biscuit, I just can’t eat without bread.” ~ Jimmy Dean: Please Pass the Biscuits Country music is renowned for songs that tug at your heart strings. The very best sad country songs render us weepy and melancholic because our very souls can relate to and empathize with the sad, touching lyrics, mournful melodies and tear-jerking tempos. Jimmy Dean’s Please Pass the Biscuits may just be the saddest song ever in country music. This song recounts a boy desperately trying to get someone to pass him biscuits to eat with Sunday dinner. Tired of being ignored by the grown-ups, he finally decides to stop being polite and just reach for one. Alas, by that time, nary a biscuit is left. How can a song about a little boy not getting a biscuit with his dinner be sadder than He Stopped Loving Her Today? Or Old Shep? Or Chiseled in Stone? Or How…

AmericanDog FriendlyNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

Yellow Brix Restaurant – Carlsbad, New Mexico

Gil Garduno11:28 PM

Gastronomes (people with sensitive and discriminating culinary tastes), cerevisaphiles (aficionados of beers and ales) and oenophiles (connoisseurs of wines) have a vernacular of their own. Most of us need a universal translator to understand what they’re saying when they’re waxing eruditely about their passions. The commonality among the three is their pursuit of sensual pleasures, an indulgence of the senses. Being singularly passionate about one of these epicurean pursuits doesn’t necessarily mean you’re conversant in the vernacular of another. Case in point, as we were enjoying our al fresco dining experience at the Yellow Brix patio in Carlsbad, I contemplated what theme to wrap my review around. Yellow brick road? Nah, too cheesy. Bricks as a foundation for success? Too boring. Bricks as in yet another of my jump shots bouncing off the rim? Too embarrassing. Fortunately the couple on the table to our left bailed me out. Obviously “grape nuts” (yes, that’s a synonym for oenophile), they were speaking what seemed to be Klingon as they raised their glasses to their lips and sipped in a manner that was both studious and appreciative. Terms such as “tannin,” “body,” “terroir” and “brix” were interspersed with conversations about the day’s activities.…

BarbecueNew MexicoRating: N/R (Not Rated)

Red Chimney BBQ – Carlsbad, New Mexico

Gil Garduno5:54 PM

Depending on your lifestyle choices and temperament, some of the slogans emblazoned on bumper stickers or tee-shirts seen over the years at Rio Rancho’s annual Pork & Brew will either make you laugh or rankle your ire. “Meat is murder – tasty, tasty murder.” “Animal rights – Animals have the right to be tasty.” “Gardening: Cultivating a piece of land in order to barbecue.” “If you can’t stand the heat, go get me a beer!” Obviously no similarly themed bumper stickers or tee-shirt slogans will ever be seen at vegan or vegetarian festivals. They are, however, part and parcel of my former colleague Matt Mauler’s casual (and for that matter, formal) attire. You might remember Matt from my review of The Acre. More than anyone you’ll ever meet, he celebrates meat in all its magnificence while damning and cursing any vegetable that isn’t fried. He also loathes vegans and vegetarians. Several years ago, Matt told me about a barbecue restaurant in Carlsbad which prepares meat “just like back home.” Back home for Matt was Paducah, Kentucky. It was “almost heaven, the best place in the world” according to the proud Bluegrass State transplant and self-professed redneck. Some of our other…